SkaiaStuck
by For Actions Not Threats
Summary: Welcome to Skaia academy, a high classed school located on Skaia island in the middle of the ocean. This is totally a "safe" and "normal" the lace to send your children hahahahaha you're totally fine don't worry
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Skaia Akademy

A young man stands in his bedroom. No, wait- not that. That's stupid. I mean- A young man stands in the bathroom of an air plane. Bedroom would've sounded much better honestly, you would more than anything in the world right now love to be standing in your bedroom- but no, you're standing in a small, disgusting, public shitting contraption aboard a small, disgusting, public plane to an island in the middle of the ocean. WOO WEE THIS THOUGHT SURE DOES LIFT YOUR SPIRETS. YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE HAPPIER RIGHT NOW.

But sadly to the displeasure of the audience you are being sarcastic.

Moving on from that brilliant disposition of mental opinions, let's try to guess this young man's name. You only get one guess though so think wisely, using that amazing intellect of yours.

ENTER: Ivanna P. Freely

*slow claps* Wow, that's just amazing. The effect of this answer has caused the young man to start ranting angrily into thin air, now everyone thinks he's crazy. Ok kid, because I like your attitude (sort of) I'll give you a second chance to enter the name correctly.

ENTER: Karkat Vantas

Ah, see how smoothly things go when you cooperate? Karkat is satisfied with your answer and has stopped screaming like a mad man. CONGRADU-RASINS.

Anyway, the young man's name is Karkat. As previously mentioned, you are aboard an airplane heading to Skaia Island. It's a small city-state island that hosts the grand Skaia academy. One of the greatest academic facilities for agnostic teenagers in the world. Unfortunately you are one of those teenagers.

And even though I am indeed you're omnipotent, omniscient, sarcastic narrator- you would probably feel much more comfortable with a 1st person perspective. I hope you're happy- my reason for existing is gone, jerks.

Karkat's POV

Ok then. Here I am now, the lovable, apparently adorable Karkat Vantas. And as you can clearly see by my smiling complexion I am in a very happy mood. Rainbows sparkle with the blood of dead wigglers, and reality is laughing his ass off at me. Clearly this is going to be a fantastic day, in which you all have to watch me suffer.

Anyways, I came to the bathroom with the intention of getting dressed into my uniform, since I was told by a flight attendant who was alerting all students aboard the plane that it would be landing in 10 minutes. The whole plane up roared and began a panic stumble to the bathroom. I had been sitting near the bathroom luckily and made 3rd in line. I hate line and I wanted to make this quick. A few boys beside me, inched there way forward, trying to get ahead of me in line. Like most of the people in line they were a bit taller than me, and probably thought they could get away with it. Each time they inched forward it set me off ease, and I inched forward myself. Until finally I was a crowded as I could get, which is when they came from both sides and tried to come around me. I turned around to confront them, not wanting to make a scene I tried to stay calm, taking a few tips my brother ranted me about. "Exscuse me asswipes," I said. "Would you kindly step off my personal space, the thought of you coming near me makes my insides boil." The two boys looked at each other and laughed, obviously not taking me seriously. I turned back around and tried to ignore them. Finally it was my turn to use the bathroom. As I turned around to shut the door I flipped the boys off and smirked, "I guess your childish efforts were for nothing." Since then, I've been zoning out like some half-baked moron for several minutes I should probably hurry it up now.

I unzip my duffle bag wear my dad said he packed my uniform and pull out the clothing. This is what I'm supposed to wear for the rest of the year except on weekends, apparently. Something was kind of off about it. I couldn't put my finger on it. I decided just to put it on, that huge line outside is probably getting restless, and I'd rather just keep a low profile all year.

I put on the uniform and look in the mirror. Looking back at me I see a young tired man, standing in an airplane bathroom, wearing a minie skirt. It took a second before I realized the extreme of the situation- MY DAD HAD PACKED ME A FUCKING GIRLS UNIFORM. This, I must admit is a great fear of mine. When I was little I once watched a romcom called- A man who totally falls in love with a girl who likes somebody else and they make out at this Halloween party, and the guy goes crazy and murders everybody while wearing a Minnie skirt… now that I think about it, that might have been a horror movie.

I kicked the duffle bag in distress and sent it flying across the room and slamming into a wall. Out of it fluttered a little scrap of paper. I walked over and picked it up, to find my father's fancy cursive writing printed neatly on it. It read-

Dear Son,

I'm sorry to say they didn't have any boy's uniform's in a small enough size to fit you. I'm sure you'll do fine in this. I hope you have a fun filled day and make lots of friends.

Love, Daddy.

I cannot believe the nerve of that man sometimes.

I walk out of the bathroom to return to my seat. The two boys next in line whistled and said- "How's it going gorgeous?" I gave them the birdie and kept on walking to my seat. Next to me sits a mother and her half-baked snot nosed son. They've both annoyed the crap out of me for the majority of the flight. At one point I almost wished my older brother Kankri was here so I could sit next to him instead. But then I remembered how even more annoying Kankri is compared to these losers. Kankri also attended Skaia academy a few grades ahead of me. He was asked to come done a month early for some extra credit, and bid you his very long and sincere apology that he could not be here to accompany me on this flight.

I sat down in my seat and tried to relax, it's amazing how a guy can sit in a metal contraption all day and become exhausted. I turned my head to the window. Out there stands a beautiful display of a sunset tablet reflecting against the ocean blue. And in the horizon of this serene mirage stands Skaia academy. The scene radiates a vibe of peace. Even so, you could tell you were going to hate it here.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Ben Stiller

John's POV

I strut out of the bathroom with my posture upright and confident, remembering what my dad told me about confidence being the key to making new friends. Even though Jane said that the key to having confidence was solely based upon how gorgeous ones mustache was, but I haven't been able to grow any facial hair. And she might've been trying to prank me, now that I think about.

Thinking about made me miss my sister deeply, she went to school earlier than me and I haven't seen her for a month. But on the Brightside, I'd see her when I got to Skaia academy.

I returned to my, still beaming with the optimism of a young stylish Nick Cage. My seat was located between a short blonde haired girl, reading a creepy cliché voodoo Grimoire, and a cool blonde haired boy with pointy shades on. Something about those shades didn't fit him though, I bet I could find something totally more ironic for him to wear.

I took a seat and turned toward the boy, practicing my new friend making skills. "Hi, my name's John. What's yours?" The boy turned toward me with this- "are you for real" look on his face. "The name's Strider. Dave Strider."

"Awesome!" I replied with enthusiasm. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Uh-huh." Dave nodded only half paying attention. He pulled out his phone and started playing on it. Tough crowed. OH- Wait- I got an idea!

I waved over a stewardess and bought a juice box, and turned my attention over to Dave. "You want some Apple Juice?" I said, gesturing it toward him. His face brightened up. "Oh thanks man!" He said, almost too excited for the apple juice. He chugged it down as soon as he could get his hand on it.

I began to laugh demonically. "THAT'S PEE DIPSHIT!" I screamed. Dave looked confused at first, but then spit out the apple juice. "GROSS MAN! SICK!"

I grinned. "PYSCHE CHUMP!" I said. "I AM THE PRANKING MASTER!" Dave looked confused again, before bursting out laughing. "Pfffft hahahaha- Ah man, hahahaa, you got me good-hahaha!" He wiped some tears from under his shades.

A few minutes passed by, we talked and had fun. Dave is actually super cool. He showed me his raps, and I told him about the mystical ways of Nicolas Cage.

"So do you have a guy crush on him?" Dave said jokingly.

I stiffened my posture offended. "I'm not a homosexual." Dave raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" I nodded, seriously. This is honestly a sore subject for me. "Well then prove it, I dare you to ask out that girl over there." Dave said, pointing to the girl with the short blonde hair. "What? No man no. I'm not going to ask a girl I don't even know."

"This girl," said the girl. "Can hear you." I felt my face get red and hot. "Oh! Sorry. I, uh-…" I looked for Dave for support. He smirked and gave me a thumbs up. I scooched nervously toward the girl. "My name's Egbert, but you can call me John." The girl smiled maturely and put down her book. "Hello, "Mr. Egbert." My name is Rose Lalonde. It is a pleasure to meet you." So far so good.

"Well, Ms. Lalonde- we obviously have a beautiful connection here. Let's say we take this to the next level."

"Real smooth John," Dave said supportively.

"Well, Mr. Egbert," began Rose.

"I appreciate the positive attention I am receiving from you. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer."

"REJECTION!" Dave shouted. I shot him a dirty look. "Right, sorry to bother you Rose." Rose smiled and turned her attention back to her book. I turned back to Dave, with a feeling of loss honor. He patted me on the head. "There there John, I promise you someday you will get lucky with a chick… or a guy. Doesn't really matter."

"Dave, you're not helping."

"Welp, I tried my best John. But self-esteem isn't served on a fucking silver platter. And since you have failed the dare they're must be some sort of punishment."

I raised an eyebrow. "Punishment?"

"Yes John, that's how dares work. If you fail it angers the mighty gods of irony. And you must balance the world with a sacrifice."

I had an idea. I opened my bag and felt around in it for something specific. When I found it, I pulled it out and gestured it to Dave. It was this pair of Ben Stiller sun glasses I got at the airport, I don't really need them anyway. "Here you go Dave." I said handing them over. "Dave took them and looked down at them. "Dude I was joking, you don't have to give me these."

"No no, I insist Dave. You keep them. They were blessed by Ben Stiller himself." This was a lie of course. But I am the pranking master, I'll probably tell him someday. After hearing this Dave looked down and sniffed them for some reason that I'll never understand. He then turned around and switched them quickly so I couldn't see his eyes. When he turned back my direction, he beamed with the pure energy of a real cool dude. "Nice," I said to let him know he looked hella cool.

All of a sudden there was the sound of an enraging scream coming from behind us. Dave and I sat up and turned around to get a scoop of the situation.

All the yelling came from this real short kid I a girl's uniform, this little kid that sat next to him had thrown up in his lap. Mr. shouty nubs (what I've decided to call the guy in the skirt) stood up in panic and began such dirty language that I'm pretty sure is illegal to repeat. What I'm assuming is the little boy's mom sat up and picked up her kid. She started yelling and Mr. shouty nubs- "YOU WATCH YOUR LAUNGUGE AROUND MY SON YOUNG MAN!" Mr. Shouty nubs looked surprisingly even angrier. "YOU'RE YELLING AT ME FOR THIS?!" he exclaimed. "YOUR SHITWIT OF A SON IS THE ONE WHO LOST HIS PATHETIC LITTLE LUNCH ALL OVER ME!"

"IT'S NOT HIS FAULT YOU LITTLE CROSSDRESSER!"

"I'M NOT A FUCKING CROSSDRESSER! IF ANYONE'S A CROSSDRESSER IT'S THAT FUCK ASSED NOOK SNIFFING WRIGGLER YOU'RE HOLDING WITH YOUR WHORE-ISH GRIP!"

They kept on fighting and a stewardess had to separate them and help Mr. Shouty nubs clean the vomit off his clothing. After the commotion subsided Mr. Shouty nubs sat down with his arms crossed, like he was pouting or something.

"Hey," Dave said to Mr. Shouty nubs. MSN (his newer nick name) looked up, looking very tired. "What was it like? To have a kid loose his lunch on you?" Dave asked.

"Shut up," MSN replied quickly.

"What?" Dave said in his defense. "I just want to know what it was like."

"Well if you must know, It was the third most disgusting display of bodily fluid that anyone had thrusted upon me in my life time."

I smiled. "What was the first?" MSN's face got pale. "It's none of your fucking business." There was a silence between all of us. "Can you at least tell us the second?" Dave asked. MSN looked down, obviously upset by the topic. "A guy once peed on my head."

"Oh my god." I said in discuss. "It must've been awful."

"Was your mouth open?" Dave asked? MSN looked up with a 'what the crap?!' sort of look.

A flight attendant came out and told everyone to prepare for landing and put on their seat belts. MSN and Dave started to put their seat belts on.

"My name's John," I said quickly. "And this is Dave. What's your name?"

MSN hesitated. "Karkat. My name is Karkat."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is it ok if I call you KitKat?"

"NO!"

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><p><em><strong>AN: Hey Guys, been working on Chapter 2 all day- I personally think I did a little better with this one. Surprisingly though we're still on the plane. I Promise we'll be off of the plane next chapter LOLZ XD I'll try to update soon<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The first day

Kanaya's POV

The Plane landed smoothly, to my convenience. Not to say the flight was awful, but there was more turbulence than I'd honestly prefer. In all I'd say it was rather a boring flight, though there was some commotion about a kid barfing on some angry little girl- I didn't pay much attention to it.

I exited the plane making my way out of the airport. There were assigned busses up front for the students in order for them to be transported for the school. Everything was chaotic as everyone was trying to find the right bus. Amongst the throng people constantly were bumping into me, almost at one point making me drop my stuff. I've brought a lot of bags with me, a girl's go to be prepared you know. I scoffed at my own thoughts. If my older sister ever heard me say that she'd probably kill, nagging on about how offensive it might seem. But it's only as offensive as others would perceive it to be. I thinking it over in my head, I don't necessarily see it as to be that offensive- I look up to see one of the bus drivers shouting at me to hurry up, everyone has already got on the bus. Drat, there I go again, ranting even in my thoughts. It's a problem I have that I hope to extinguish someday. I pick up my things and get on the bus.

It's crowded, loud, and quite chaotic I would say. Every seat on the bus has been taking except one. I take my place next to a short blonde haired girl, reading some sort of Grimoire. She glanced up quickly to see who I was and then continued reading, the book held up to cover her face.

Something about this didn't seem as insulting as others would perceive it. Others would probably feel negative by the way she continued reading. But I personally felt special from her actions. It's obvious that she enjoys the book she's reading greatly, and that she turned her attention to acknowledge me- even for a second- is a magnificent thing.

I sat down and politely stuck my hand out. "Salutations, My name is Kanaya Maryam. And you are?" The girl raised an eyebrow, intrigued by my greeting. She set aside her book and took my hand. "I spread my warm regards to you too Miss Maryam. My name is Rose Lalonde, it's a pleasure to meet you."

I scanned Madame Lalonde, she wore a black short sleeved dress with a strange emblem. To contrast this was a purple sash tied around her waist, which matched the long sleeved shirt she wore under the dress.

"Miss Lalonde," I began. "May I just say that is an interesting outfit you're wearing there." Rose laughed and rested her head in her hands, her arms leaning on the arm of the seat. "I could say the same about you, Kanaya."

We talked for some time, I quite enjoyed it. The bus pulled to a stop after this time, ending our pleasant conversations. We ascended from our seats and exited the bus. As I walked off the bus I felt a loud CRASH knocking straight over. What seemed to have stuck me was a girl, who also laid beside me. She sat up and rubbed her head, then began to stand. "Watch it! I'm walking here." She had long black hair, glasses, and wore a grey jacket over a black shirt with a blue Scorpio sign on it. "I apologize," I said, gaining balance on my feet. "I did not see you there."

"That ok," the girl said smiling, swooshing her hair about. "You're not the first one who's wanted to clack with _THIS_!" she said, gesturing to her figure. She laughed and stormed off, I felt my heart skip a beat as she did. Rose came to my aid. "Are you alright?" she asked. I brushed myself off from the encounter. "Yes I believe I am now."

Karkat's POV

And so for some shitty reason, everyone gathered in a massy of sweaty proportions, to rub their hygienic bulges together as they squeezed through what seems to be THE ONLY DOOR, and what I would consider to be a MAJOR FIRE SAFETY VIOLATION.

"Hey, hey Karkat!" I heard a dork-ish voice scream at me. I turned around to see that John kid through the mob waving at me. Oh god, I thought I shook him off at the airport but he seemed to have found me again. Man this guy is annoying. And if to make things worse he dragged that douche Strider along with him. That's just great.

I try to ignore them and blend into the crowd, making my way to the auditorium where the welcoming assembly was taking place.

When I finally arrived at said auditorium I took my seat, finally relaxing, hoping that nobody annoying will sit next to me. My thoughts were interrupted with a cane, swinging harshly into my crotch.

"OW! GOD!" I said grabbing onto the sides of the chair for support. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Some girl screamed at me. "DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO RUN YOU'RE CROTCH INTO A BLIND GIRL'S CANE?!" She screeched. I stared at her in shock. What can I say, my balls hurt, I'm tired, and I some fucking how offended some blind girl. The girl burst out laughing and took a seat next to me, I scooched back in my chair so that wouldn't happen again. The girl turned toward me, even though her head seemed to be tilted a little ways above me, she probably assumed I was taller. "Nah its fine," she said. "I knew you were there, you just had the unfortunate pleasure of being my crotch subject. I'm trying to see how many people I can hurt today and get away with." I squinted at her, unable to tell if she was serious or not. "Hurray for fucking me." She cackled like a bad women, then lifting her up harshly to smack some guy in the crotch. "OW! JEGUS!" he exclaimed. "WATCH IT!" she said sternly. She turned back to me and winked. "The name's Terezi by the way. Pyrope." She stuck her hand out, nailing me in the face. I turned an awkward position to shake her hand. "Karkat Vantas."

"So what's going on?" Terezi asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Dunno," I replied. "Everyone's been seated. We've been waiting for the past 10 minutes. I just wish they'd GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER AND START THE DAMN SHOW ALREADY!" I screeched, in order to get their attention. As if on cue somebody walked on stage. He was a tall intimidating individual with a sort of gangster hat. He was slick and spadey, Jack-like. Walked like he the dark of midnight, seeping around his and his crew. The Noir of all Noir's. It's a true mystery who this man could possibly be.

He grabbed the microphone and cleared his throat. "Hello future victims- SHIT I mean children… who will grow into future victims." He said, giving everyone a threatening squinty look. "I'm the Vice principle and rule enforcer. My name is Jack Noir, my fellow gang members refer to me as Spade Slick- FUCK I'm not secretly in a gang. I'm so smooth… and slick… don't tell the cops." He broke out into a bit of a sweat and coughed. "I'd like to introduce principle, Doc Scratch." He put the mic on the stand and stormed off stage, fed up with life. Only a few people clapped.

A man walked on stage, he wore a white tux and a green bow tie. He strides with posture and grace, a true host. He took the mic off the stand. "Thank you Jack Noir for that pleasant introduction. Now, welcome new students of Skaia academy. I am your host, Doctor Scratch. I would like to take this time to explain the layout and rules of this academic facility. But instead of me presenting this year I've chosen a high ranking student to take my place in this position, for extra credit. Please give a hand for Mr. Kankri Vantas." I groaned loudly, this is SO EMBARRASSING. Terezi leaned over. "What's with the groan? You know this guy? He smells like a virgin." I sighed. "He's my older brother, pain in my ass."

Kankri cleared his throat. "I'd like to thank you all and remind you to continue your day with acceptable behavior while I present, this is very important information I'm explaining to you. I hope you enjoy my essay, if anything were to trigger you in anyway please alert me immediately so I may escort you to your moirail in order to pacify you. Trigger warnings are different for everybody but for this presentation they may include: homesickness, shock to new environments, the "disease" of friendship, dissatisfactory to rules and/or guidelines, litter, self-infused thoughts of ignorance compared to older students such as myself, and many other types of triggers. Now, you will all be separated into dorms, separated my gender given a team name. This will be the people you live with for the rest of the year. Harassment of any kind will not be tolerated. If said harassment were to take place we advise you to report it immediately. If such behavior continues to flourish we will sit you a 3 hour long program on anti-bullying, even though studies show this sort of thing never works- we'll be using it to punish all of you. TW: threats of boredom, I'm sorry if I failed to tag that at the beginning of the essay. I apologize if that triggers any of you in any way. Continuing with the presentation, I- out of experience- would like to warn you all of some "incidents" that always seem to happen around here. Luckily you all signed warranties saying you can't sue us so-" Everybody murmured in panic. Somebody shouted out- "What incidents?" Another shouted- "Is that a Touhou Project reference?" Kankri looked shocked realizing he had triggered the crowd. "Everybody calm down, I apologize if that triggered you. I was just trying to warn you of some "incidents." Said incidents happen everyone and a while, probably the length of once every weak that could be turned into a good anime of a seriously crappy fan fiction, excuse my language. Such incidents in the past always include, monsters, ghosts, time travel, gangs-" from behind stage Jack Noir interrupted- "SHIT THEY KNOW!"

He leaped out on stage with his Shiv and screamed "IF ANYBODY TELLS THOSE PIGS, I'LL SHANK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Doc Scratch went to calm the man, but instead got stabbed in the gut. Everybody began to panic. "Fiddlesticks!" Kankri exclaimed. "It's just like last year!" Doc Scratch grabbed the microphone from Kankri. "No need to be alarmed everyone, it's just a flesh wound… I'm going to go to the hospital, I'm leaving Kankri in charge of completing the presentation." He calmly handed Kankri the knife, and walked off stage, Noir following closely behind, trying to stab him again.

Kankri cleared his throat nervously. "Anyway moving on. TW: war issues. Now we all know clearly that there is a civil war going on in Alternia." Kankri said seriously. "People are revolting against the Her Imperial Condescension. She been sending terrorist attacks against earthland, pressuring their leaders to join her side of the fight. Skaia Island I assure you is probably the safest place to be rate now. Are ratio of attacks this week are a 1:12 ratio. In the event of an emergency though we have a bomb shelter big enough for all of you in the basement, so make sure you do not panic. We'll probably have a terrorist safety day someday explaining the proper scenario, but for now that's end of my essay. You will get assigned to your bunkers so enough. Please stay seated." Kankri walked of stage, nobody clapped.

"I didn't think he'd ever stop," Terezi said relieved. I grunted and leaned back in my chair. "It's the first time he has

John's POV

They began calling out names and handing student passes, maps, and other junk. I made my way down the hall the map directed me towards and went through what I hope was the right team name, "sburb" Probably the weirdest name I've ever heard. I asked them if it was a movie reference or a prank, but they just ignored me.

I opened the door and saw some boys claiming bunks and running around. I looked around for an empty top bunk, seeing my target I SEIZED IT BEFORE ANY OPPONENT COULD CHALLENGE ME! I began unpacking my stuff. The door opened again and Dave walked in. "DAVE!" I screamed to get his attention. He smirked and walked over, unpacking in the bed below me. "Jegus you run fast," Dave complained. "But I guess it's impossible to escape _THIS!" _He said, trying to swoop his hair around. The door opened again, and I saw that one guy from earlier. Cardog, Katwak, er Kitkat- I think it was that. "HEY KITKAT!" I said waving him over. Karkat saw me and began to panic. "FUUUUUUUUCCK! NOOOOOO! I HAVE TO LIVE YOU GUYS!" He began pointing at me and Dave. Dave walked over to Karkat and gave him an ironic hug. "Its ok man, it doesn't have to be awkward. You and I can share a bed, forever." Kitkat obviously didn't pick up on the sarcasm and started scream- "UNHAND ME AT ONCE YOU VILE FUCK ASS, YOU'RE HANDS ARE FILTHY WITH THE STAIN OF URIN, REGRET," yada yada yada, he went on like that for a while. I came over and gave him a hug as well, in a ironic bro way… no homo. "GET OFF OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

An employee walked in. "Is there a problem in here?" She asked. "Nope, everything going A-Okay," I said giving her a thumbs up.

"SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!"


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Hey guys! sorry for the late update, I feel really bad that it took me a week to write this. And I will admit it was mostly out of sheer laziness. And I'm sorry to say it'll probably be the same next week because I have exams. But here you go now- hope you enjoy. Sorry if some things are a little ooc :)**_

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><p>Chapter 4: GuysGals night Part 1

Karkat's POV: I woke up in my bunk bed to the sound of a voice. It was beautiful and soothing and made me feel very warm inside. "Wake up Karkat," It said. "The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and it's a brand new day." I opened my eyes to see where the voice was coming from- FUCK IT'S EGBERT. That warmness inside of me must have been hatred or something.

I sit up, rubbing the sleepies out of my right eyes, and glaring at him with the left. "Get the fuck out my face Egbert, I would highly prefer it if _YOU _were not the first thing I see every morning." John laughed and papped me on the back, I flinched and began to emit a low growl. "Very funny wise guy," John laughed. "Now get up. It's time to get ready for breakfast."

John walked away to continue to get ready. I looked around at my bunk mates, doing a complete examination for the first time, due to the fact that last night I was exhausted. Including me there were 8 other guys in my dorm.

There was me, Strider, Egbert, a clown, a hipster, a sweaty guy, a wimp, and a guy who apparently likes bees and may or may not be bipolar, this is going to be just great.

I stand up and rub awake my other eye as I pull out my suitcase from under the bed. In it has all my valuable that I will be using for the next year. I pick up a portable mirror and look in it disappointed. No matter how much sleep I get I always seem to have these damn dark circles under my eyes. It didn't bother me so much until my dad made a fuss about it, saying that he was worried if I was having sleeping problems or something. God, I hate him sometimes. With her concerned fatherly bullshit.

Suddenly some shouting came from the other side of the room that made me jump a bit.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME VWILE LOWWBLOOD!"

"THAT'S TTWO BAD! MY HAND IS THENTHING AN EASILY IRRITATED ATHHOLE THAT NEEDTH TTWO BE TAUGHT A FUCKING LESSON!"

The pathetic hipster and the bee enthusiast then began to cat fight like a bunch of pussies. The small wimpy guy with the Mohawk began quietly stuttering about how violence never solved anything. The clown began to clap enthusiastically making annoying honking noises. The sweaty guy ignored the two boys and continued getting ready for the day. Egbert flinched a bit as the fight began to get more vicious as claws were getting involved. Then suddenly, the amazing mister Strider was on the scene. He separated the two sniffling girl scouts as nonchalantly as possible.

"Whoa guys, I'm sensing a lot of tension here. It's building in all of our little pubic bodies like water in a dam, but instead of water it's the building of the corpses of a bunch of dead squirrels. And do you wanna know why one billion innocent dead squirrels are horrifically stuffed into a water dam to power our country? The government? No, it's not the government's fault- at least, not yet. It's our fault because we keep fighting."

The Mohawk kid raised hand. "Uh, what does us fighting have to do with a bunch of sad dead animals?"

Dave pointed to him determined. "I'LL TELL YOU WHY- THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT! WE CAN NO LONGER STAND BY AND LET THE GOVERNMENT THEORETICALLY DO HORRIBLE THINGS THAT ARE WE ARE ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR! THOSE SQUIRRELS DID NOT FUCKING DESERVE TO DIE! BUT DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHO DOES? THOSE GODDAMN KOALAS! KILLING IS WRONG AND SICK! LET'S GO KILL A BUNCH OF KOALAS TO SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS -WHO'S WITH ME?!"

Silence fell. I stood up and crossed my arms. "Is there a point to the amount of literal shit that has burst forward in a fluid of vibrations that we all have had the unfortunate pleasure to be listening to?"

Dave pointed excitedly at me. "That's a good point Karkat. Let me tell you fools what I plan to do. I propose, tonight, us all go out on a big guys night. Trolling the town. Platonic bro moments will be shared, tears will be shed, laughs will burn through us like fire, and perhaps if we're all lucky a few flowing beats will be boxed. What do you think?"

Egbert jumped up and down excitedly. "That's a great idea Dave!"

I waved my arms furiously. "That's a horrible idea Strider."

Dave chuckled to himself calmly. Then grew an enraged look on his face, pointed at me, and said- "SILENCE FOOL! Your vote doesn't count. Anybody else? What do you think?" The sweaty guy closed his suitcase very loudly, getting everybody's attention. He looks up seeing everybody look at him. He shrugs, says it's an ok idea and leaves the room. The Mohawk guy raises his hand, trying to get everybody's attention. He got no one's attention. "Wwell I guess it couldn't get any wworse," The hipster said with his stupid accent. "Sounds like a motherfucking plan bros," The clown said, taking a swig of an ugly colored liquid. The Mohawk kid continued to wave hi hand around franticly, mumbling- "Uh guys-" The bee kid sighs, crosses his arms, and with his lisp says- "Fine let'th do you half athed idea, but I'm going to be playing my phone 99% of the time."

"And I think," the Mohawk kid stated very loudly. "That-" "Well looks like we got everybody's votes," Dave said. "You lose Karkat, we're having a guy's night out. Now let's go eat breakfast." He then pushed past all forces to storm out of the dorm, his perfect hair swooshing in the wind, his eyes forever hidden in the shadow, a true hero. What an asshole.

Terezi's POV

I woke up 3 hours before anyone in my dorm to the smell of, batter, syrup, eggs, toast, food. Breakfast time. As quietly as I could I jumped out of bed, through my suitcase open, stripped, grunted as I put on the dumb fabric, heavily stomped across the room, and slammed the door shut as hard as I could. From the other side of the door I could hear the complaints and moans of all contained inside. Breakfast was the only thing that mattered now, there sacrifices would be forever remembered.

I casually sprinted as fast as I could toward the smell, being so hastily distracted I bumped into several walls, polls, trashcans, and what sounded like to be a raccoon. Being blind is for chumps.

I had finally reached the mess hall, being able to tell from it aurora of food and yet at the same time cleaning chemicals being amplified by the containment of the large room, the sounds of the cooks echoed through the cavernous pantry. I leaned against the door, trying to catch my breath from the long run. The smell woofed into my mighty dragon nostrils. My stomach growled like the empty abyss it had become. It's chow time.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" A voice called out from across the room. Seeing how all the cooks were busy in the kitchen I assumed it was a janitor, but it was hard to tell. It sounded strangely familiar, which is strange because nothing ever is familiar to me. I either know the voice or I don't, not this bull shit "oh I can't remember anything- duhhhhh." I rack my brain in order to remember. "Did you hear me kid? I said, what the hell are you doing here?" The voice was getting closer. It was menacing, and smooth, like spaghetti. Instantly I remembered who it was I was addressing. I flinched into a quick and sincere salute. "GOOD MORNIGN GENERAL NOIR, SIR! HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU!?"

Jack Noir pasted around me. I know the sound of that foot step pattern and the way of his breathing, he was interrogating me. Much like how I have interrogated many GUILTY parties of scale mates before, non-lived. Justice was served.

"You still didn't answer my question." Jack Noir continued. "What. The fuck. Are you doing here?"

"RETREIVING MY BREAKFAST, SIR!"

Jack Noir made the muscle movements of a infuriated man shaking his head. "You do realize its 3:00 IN THE MORNING RIGHT!?"

"YES SIR, MAY I HAVE MY BREAKFAST SIR?"

General Noir chuckled a bit. "I like you kid. Tell you what, you can come hang out in the kitchen while we cook, have a few bights to eat and wait out the time until actual breakfast. Scrub the floors while you're at it, free forced labor of children is always appreciated." Seems fair enough to me. "YES SIR!"

Time past, scraps were eaten, floors were scrubbed. At one point I had wandered into a closet where a man was tied to a chair. He screamed out in desperation for me to help him. Jack Noir came in and pulled me back saying- "He never returned the scotch tape, you understand." I glared at him and shook my head. "The crime must fit the punishment General Noir." He sighed, untied the man and stabbed him once demanding the money it took to buy the scotch tape. The injured one trembled, and hastily handed Jack Noir some money from his pocket. Noir tried to leave the room until I blocked the door. "How about you call an ambulance, General Noir?" It wasn't a question. I had a hand made noose in my hands. He got the picture. He grumbled and called 911. Justice has finally been served. I then, in the fashion that any 16 year old girl would after seeing a man get stabbed by gangsters, calmly walking away, after threatening their leader.

Breakfast time finally came and I in line quickly to eat.

I looked amongst the tables for who smelled like good people to sit with. Yes I could sit with my intended group, but as far as I could tell they were kind of boring. Yes, I did spend most of my night in the bathroom so they wouldn't talk to me. I don't know, something about all of them didn't smell right. Maybe it's because they're all female. Back at my old school all my friends were boys, I never got along much with my own gender. Is it irony? I can never tell.

Then it hit me, that smell and the sound of that. It was cherry. But it smelled sooooooooo good, I didn't understand why. But this kid I sat with the other smelled just so good, Kitkat I think his name was. Really stupid name, good smell.

I flop my tray next to Kitkat and snicker. He looks my general direction and doesn't say anything. "So, Kitkat was it?" Kitkat face palmed and stood up on his chair and began bagging an empty cup and bowl together. "ATTENTION IDIOTS!" he exclaimed. "MY NAME IS KARKAT! NOT, KITKAT!" Everybody kind of just stared at him for a minute before continuing with their breakfast.

Nepeta's POV

The boy had sat down to continue with his breakfast. He was short, crazy hair, and wore a girls uniform, but something about those aspects made him EXTREMELY… attractive. And the way he declared his name, so bold yet anxious, made my heart beat faster.

I turned back around to face my own breakfast and my notepad. On my notepad was the frame of my new shipping chart. I had everyone's names and faces documented. All I needed to do was draw the arrows and the quadrants. I quickly drew in Karkat's face and an arrow between us with a heart, to represent flushed feelings. This is so exciting! My first full day of school and I already have a crush! I giggled with excitement. Karkat's such a cute name, isn't it?

John's POV

I spotted Karkat and one of the tables and made my way towards him. Next to him sat are girl, pretty short and flat chested, short hair, and scary sharp teeth, despite all of this she was actually very pretty. I flopped down my try on the table. "Hey Karkat, who's this? Your girlfriend." Karkat's face grew a bit red and he scowled at me. "Not even close! Mind your own god damn business!" I shrugged and started eating my food.

The girl look my general direction, looking a bit up to the upper left of me. "Who's this guy," Terezi said deep in thought, she sniffed the air a bit. "He smells like blueberries." She narrowed her eyes scornfully. "Rotten, blueberries."

"That asshole," said Karkat pointing with his fork. "Is John Egbert, misery to my life. John, this is Terezi, some more misery, injected straight into my life." I smiled and stuck my hand out across the table for her to shake. "How do you do?" I asked, being polite to the lady. Terezi didn't even look at my hand, she continued to stare at the same spot. She broke out in laughter and gave a creepy look. "Save the formalities blue-bee. I can practically smell your blood that I shall soon let bleed from your neck. And if you can't tell, I'm fucking blind."

I recoiled my hand, a little creeped out. "Okaaaay?" Karkat after having heard this turned to Terezi with a proud look on his face. He smiled a bit.

Terezi sniffed the intently and turned toward Karkat. "Karkles!" She said eccentrically. "Has anyone told how great you smell? You're giving off a very strong odor." She leaned in toward Karkat. "You smell sooooo gooood." She sniffed his hair. Karkat dropped his fork to let it clatter on his plate. His face turned already. "What are you doing?" Karkat said, his face turning red. "I can't help it Karkles, it seem the scent is only getting stronger for some reason! I can almost taste it…"

Terezi leaned in closer. "WAIT NO STOP-" Karkat pleaded. But it was too late, Terezi began licking his face. The expression on her face was purely enjoyment, but not in an erotic way. It was as if she didn't even realize how flushed her actions were, and she seemed to only be in it for the smell. I giggled a bit. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY STRIDER!" Kitkat, said, smashing his fist on the table. Terezi stood up and took hold of his head. "Hold still would you!" Terezi said, angling Karkat's head in her hands. She continued to lick it. Karkat's face got redder and redder. He began shaking a little bit, able to stutter out- "T-terezi? Could you- PUT ME DOWN!? N-NOW?! Pleeeease?" Terezi didn't answer, and continued to lick his head.

Nepeta's POV

I turn around from my destined lover for one second, and the next thing I know this slut it licking his face! I felt my jaw drop. My dreams of love were crushed before they even began!

I sigh and turn back around toward my food. "Why such the sad kitty face?" said the girl who sits across from me, I think her name was Feferi. We share bunk beds but everyone was so tired from the journey here they all just sort of went to bed, so I don't really know anything about them. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm getting to ahead of myself. I mean, there's this cute boy that I only first saw like 5 seconds ago and yet I'm infatuated with him. It's kind of silly, never mind." Feferi squealed and stood up in excitement. "IT'S TRUE LOVE!" She screamed. "You should go to him right now!" I shook my head. "That would be weird of me, and I think he's already taken."

"Well just take him anyway!" Shouted the girl who sits next to Feferi, I think her name was Vriska er something. "If you want a man, you have to show confidence."

I scooched back in my chair with discomfort. I felt the hand of the girl who sat next to me go on my shoulder. "Don't worry Nepeta," the girls said, I felt guilty becuase I was blanking on her name- but she clearly remembered mine. "Just be yourself, and let fate decide where you belong," she smiled warmly, and it made me feel better. "And by fate?" She continued, tightening her grip on my shoulder. "I mean the evil spirits that continue to play darkly with our reality from the other side, in a way we could never conceive." Her smile turned creepy and dark. "Aradia!" Feferi scolded. "You're not helping the situation!" I turned back around away from the argument, and toward my destiny. I can wait, a little longer.

John's POV

The licking was beginning to make me extremely uncomfortable, hence it been happening for the past 10 minutes. "How long are you going to lick Kitkat's face for?" Kitkat gritted his teeth and mutter about how his name was not Kitkat, and how that tonight he would take a dump on my pillow. Terezi stopped licking for a moment and looked up at me. "You know, you should try this John! He's quite delicious!" Kitkat's face somehow got even redder. "NO! JOHN DONT YOU DARE!" I stood up and walked toward Kitkat, a bit unsure about all of this. "Um, I don't know if I should. I'm not a homosexual." Terezi rolled her eyes. "Sure John, whatever you say. Just lick his face."

"NO! EGBERT I SWEAR TO GOG-"

I leaned over and gave Kitkat a good old sloppy lick up his face. Kitkat shivered, traumatized by the experience.

"Holy crap he does taste like cherries!" I said, astonished by this fact. Terezi and I continued to lick Kitkat's face.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohnygodohmygod," he stuttered. Suddenly a big luck dropped through Kitkat's hair. "I dunno guys," Dave said pulling out strands of hair from his tongue. "I don't really see why you guys I so excited." Kitkat turned around in fury. "STRIDER! Please tell me you did not just lick me in the most obscure fashion!" Dave shrugged. "I could but I'd be lying."

Kitkat stood up. "You know what? No. Nonononono- I'm done with this. Stop. Licking me."

"Fine!" Terezi exclaimed. "Just shut up and I'll stop licking you." Kitkat took his seat, pouting.

Karkat's POV

"So," Dave said, taking a seat. About tonight guys, I was thinking we could-"

"What about tonight?" Terezi, said leaning forward in excitement. "Dave here is forcing us to go on a "guy's night out." If I'm not here in the morning please call the police," I complained. Terezi gasped in the cute way she's enthusiastic about something. (I did not say cute- go away) "A guys night out you say!? I'll go pack my things and-"

"Sorry Terezi," Egbert said. "But you can't come." Terezi a face diminished, and she looks quite angry. "Why the hell not!?" She demanded. John scooted back in fear. Terezi clearly intimidated him, making him seem like the pathetically intimidated wriggler he is. "Well- um- uh- well-"

"What Egbert is failing to say here," I interrupted.

"Well it's just what it sound like, a "guy's night out." It's just for the guys in our dorm, so you can't come." Terezi stood up in anger. "I'm taking that as a challenge Karkles!" Her dragon eyes fumed, she pointed her legislative finger in my face. "I'm going to start my own gal's night that will be 413 times better than yours!"

I mover her finger from my face. "It was my idea though, it was Dave's."

"NONE THE LESS!" She exclaimed. "You're the one who challenged me so rudely, I'm doing this to prove against you, nubbers!" She grinned and ran off toward her table, to raise her army. "Is she going to kill me," I asked hypothetically. "Yes, very much so," Dave said with complete certainty.

John coughed nervously. "Back to discussing our plans for tonight."

Doc Scratch's POV

I flinched a bit, feeling a heavy chill. The Handmaiden looked my way, as in to ask if something were wrong. She didn't say it out loud though because I had revoked her speaking privileges for the week due to the last incidents- involving lots of profanity, suggestive sexual terms, and vulgarly descriptive sexual terms.

"I sense a disturbance in the force," I said revealing inner thoughts. The handmaiden rolled her eyes, not taking my ESP seriously. "There are schemes being plotted Ms. Medigo, path's to be taken." I got up from my desk and walked to the window. "It's strange, but I can tell that the spectrum is unbalanced. For some reason I cannot see whether this is a night to behold or disaster will strike. Supernatural forces are to make way to this sight. I am sure the story will unfold, and the plot will thicken…"

The handmaid looked bored, as she sighed and continued cleaning. "After all," I continued. "Who doesn't love a cheesy high school drama? Kind of like in the animes." The handmaiden perked up to interest."

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><p><em><strong>AN: Welp, there you have it. A week's worth of work gone. I'll try to update soon. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes throughout this, I edited this kind of quickly.<strong>_


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN: Hey guys, sorry again for the late update- I finished this as fast as I could so I could work on the thanksgiving speacial XD but it might not be done on time so I'm apologizing ahead of time if it isn't- but thank you all for waiting patiently for me to update- I just want to say this chapter's a little more vulgar than the others and I promise it's not going to be like this all the time it just went with the story line_**

**_(Trigger warnings include: "Sloppy makeouts," Dave has his shirt off most of the chapter, underaged drinking, and Terezi does something weird at the end that I shall not spoil) Hope you all enjoy _**

**_(also- I think I'm supposed to include something about not owning anything and how AH reigns supreme- so I probably should start doing this because AH owns my soul and I don't want ot make him angry)_**

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><p>Chapter 5: GuysGals Night part 2

Sollux's POV

"Wwhat are wwe evwen doing?" Ampora complained, as we trolled the town.

"Maybe if you were lithening, inthead of being a complete moron you would know." Ampora puffed and glared at me. Tavros broke between us.

"Uh, guys, the whole point of this thing is so we can learn to get along. So we should try better to, uh… uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, to be more perspective of each other's feelings." Ampora sneered at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Gamzee stepped forward and clung Tavros to him, inching him away from Ampora. "Alright motherfuckers. Let's just calm the motherfuck down here. Tavbro here made a pretty good point. With his motherfucking feelings and shit. It hits me hard, so much motherfucking so I might start crying." Tavros pushed himself away from Gamzee a bit, obviously uncomfortable by being hugged by a sociopathic clown he just learned the name of as he breathed heavily on his neck.

"Uh, Gamzee-" Gamzee grabbed Tavros and squeezed. "It's ok Tavbro. SHSHSHSHSSSSSSSHHHH… It's ok."

"Gamzee, could you, uh-"

"It's gonna be allllllllllllllllllriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhht… shhhhhhhut up."

The loud nubby kid (Kitkat or something) stepped forward.

"HOLY SHIT GUYS. It's been like what? 10 minutes, waiting for this asshole Strider to come out of his bath-shitting-room contraption and we're already practically mating in the streets! What has become of our civilization?!"

I laughed. "It became your fathe- OHHHHHHHHHH BURN! SUCK IT KITKAT!"

Kitkat fumed. "OH MY FUCKING GOD MY NAME ISN'T KITKAT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BULGE LICKERS!? IT'S KAR-KAT! TWO FUCKING SYLLABLES! SO WHAT, YOU'RE INCONCEIVABLY IGNORANT MINDS CAN'T PROCESS THE IDEA OF THERE EVEN BEING A ONE?! KARRRRR-KAAAAAAT!" He breathed heavily and everyone stared at him blankly.

"Hey are you ok?" I asked giving him a pat on the shoulder. I leaned in closer and whispered- "Kiiiiiiit-kaaaat."

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth for a moment. I swear in that split second his jaw unhinged and fire was coming out of his eyes but maybe that was just me. But thankfully he was interrupted by the ironic douche himself.

I came out the door style and grace, it kind of wanted to make me throw up.

"Okay everybody!" He announced. "My pitspot (shitspot? Note to self, write comic about shittingspots desgined to swoon my prey) is over. We may now continue our way to the bar. As my bro's clueless crush always says- TALLEY HO! … wait no scratch that, that was lame."

The John kid tilted his head. "I didn't think it was lame."

"No John, it was definitely lame."

"But-"

"Laaaaaaaamo."

"… It's just-"

"John its lame, move one, let's go already, chop-chop, Andale Andale, it not that hard."

"For him it is," Karkat muttered. John shut up, and we all kept walking.

And so we continued our meaningless journey to wherever the hell it was we were going.

I got bored and started checking up my status on my phone.

"AH NO!" Dave said sternly snatching away my phone. "HEY WHAT THE HELL MAN!?"

"No phones dude," Dave continued. "This is bonding time, we have to give brotherly comfort to each other." I glared at him, clenching my fist.

"NO ONE, AND I MEAN FUCKING NO ONE. TAKETH. MY. PHONE AWAY. NOW GIVE IT. BACK. NOW," I leaned over him threateningly. What can I say, I love my phone… not in a weird ironic way or anything… that was just a phase. I was like 12… shut up.

"If you can go the rest of the night without you're phone I'll give you twenty dollars."

I perked up a bit. "Twenty?"

Dave smirked. "The very same."

I thought over my options, and how much shit I could by with twenty bucks… probably not a lot, seeing how everything is so fucking expensive. But every penny counts I guess.

"Fine."

5 minutes later.

"THTRIDER GIVER ME MY PHONE BACK!"

"No," Dave said getting annoyed, I had been asking him four the past 4 minutes for it, while riding on his back trying to snatch it from his hand.

"I JUST NEED TO KNOW IF MY UPDATE DOWNLOADED! AND I'M DOING THOME THTUFF ON EBAY! AND I THINK I FORGOT TO THAVE MY FINAL FANTASY DATA! I. NEED. MY. PHOOOOONE!"

"This is for your own good, Sollux. Dave said, trying to push me off his back. "Go socialize or else I swear to god I'll throw this into a fucking storm drain!" I whimpered and got off his back, knowing he wasn't bluffing.

"Awwwwww, boor baby Sollux misses his phone."

I shot him a dirty look and scooched away as far as possible from his, in the very back of the group. It's not like I'm _THAT_ desperate to get my phone back, I don't see the big deal. I'm sure anybody would be devastated to be separated from their beloved for a long period of time… I was like 10 ok!? It wasn't even that serious of a relationship- STOP MAKING EVERYTHING I SAY SOUND EROTIC ASSHOLES!

At the back of the huddle I found Karkat, who still seemed pretty pissed off about the whole Kitkat thing. He wore his hood over his head, and walked in a hunched position, hands in his pockets.

He looked kind of familiar.

"Do I know you?" I asked.

He glanced toward me. "Well I sure as hell don't know you."

"It'th jutht… you look tho familiar. Like… that guy. That guy who does that thing."

"Wow that really clears of that matter."

"With the thtuff 'n thtuff…"

"That was strangely specific. You're really good at this aren't you?"

"You know, he did that thing with that thing."

"Yes, I definitely know what you're talking about."

I glare at him, his sarcasm is getting on my nerves.

And then it came to me. "That'th right!" I said in realization. "You're the thon of that thignleth guy!"

Kitkat looked at me sharply. "What." This was not a question.

"Yeah, you and my dad work together all the time." Kitkat gave off a vibe of apathy. "I don't dive much in my dad's personal life, I honestly don't care."

I shrugged. "I gueth would do the thame if I were in your thoeths." Kitkat shot me a dirty look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I'm jutht thaying if I only knew my dad for a few yearth-" Kitkat stopped walking, and grabbed my arm harshly. He had look of disturbance on his face. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!" I stepped back awkwardly. "I jutht told you, my dad and your dad are like, best budz. Now could you get off of me?" He let go of my arm and rubbed his hands nervously. "Don't… don't tell anyone… about me… I just don't want a smelling heap of shit and pity delivered to my doorstep every morning. I don't need sentiment."

"Uh yeah, thure," I said rubbing my arm- man he has a tight grip. Though I guess I can see where he's coming from, seeing how I was just about to sympathize with him when he spazzed out.

Just ahead of us was a group of girls, strutting toward us. Kitkat must've recognize them because he muttered- "good grief" and headed to the front of the pack to speak with their leader. I headed up a bit too to see what was going on.

Equius's jaw dropped. "Oh dear," he murmured. I fixed my sight with his gaze, and there was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. My jaw dropped as well. I could've sworn I heard my phone grunt with jealousy, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered at this point.

She seemed to notice the attention she was getting from us and approached us. "Hi!" she waved. "I can see that you're kind of staring at me," she laughed. "So, what's all the hubbub?"

"You're boobs," Equius shouted without thinking. "WAIT! NO! I MEAN- FIDDLESTICKS!" Equius ran off in embarrassment. The girl blinked blankly in confusion. Time to swoop in for the kill.

"Oh, don't mind that athhat, he'th crazy. I'm Thollux."

The girl smiled and stuck out her hand. "Well my name is Aradia Medigo, it's a pleasure to meet you."

I shook her hand. She laughed grimly. He face turned mischievous.

"I've touched several road kill specimens on my way here, Sollux. It's quite infectious."

I tilted my head in confusion. "Eh?"

She leaned in closer, and spoke louder and more clearly. "I've touched every dead animal I've seen today and I'm swarming with diseases."

I quickly let go of her hand. "WHAT?! You're kidding right? This is a prank?"

She burst out laughing, I laughed nervously. Aradia put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "No, it's not. We should seriously go to a hospital."

Karkat's POV

"I bet we've been having way much more fun then you have Karkles! I've legitimately laughed at least twice so far, and we've passed a lot of road kill. We may have to go to the hospital to check for infection and diseases- jealous? Are you marveling at our enjoyment?"

I sighed. "For the last time, I don't care."

"WELL YOU SHOULD BE JEALOUS! PREPARE YOUR MONEY BILLS TO BE DELIVERED TO ME SOON, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING DOWN TOWN!"

"Wait- no, this isn't a bet. I never said I would pay you if you won. Besides, there's nothing to win because THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION DAMN IT!"

"Well it is now, new law- declared by me. If I win you owe me one hundred dollars! And if you I lose (this will never happen) I will do _the most _embarrassing thing I can think of."

I raised an eyebrow. "And what's that?"

Terezi stopped to think for a moment. "uhhhhh… I dunno, go topless or some shit-"

"WAIT- TOPLESS!?-"

"BUT IT WON'T COME TO THAT! PREPARE YOURSELF VANTAS!" She literally cackled manically.

Dave all of a sudden pushed me out of the way like the douche he is. "WAIT I HEARD THE WORD TOPLESS AND I WANT IN!" He then started to take off his shirt.

Terezi face palmed. "I didn't say I would go topless that was just an example."

"For you it is," Dave said throwing his shirt aside. Terezi went to pick up the shirt and inhaled deeply into it. "I'm keeping this," she said walking away. The rest of the group followed.

As one of them was walking by she stopped, seeming to recognize me. "Hey I know you! You're the kid of that signless guy," she stated eccentrically. I sighed. "Why does everyone all of a sudden know my life story?" I moaned.

She laughed. "I have no idea. All I know is if my mom knew you were here, she would send her drones to fetch you, so she could torture horribly for information, and then probably execute you."

"…What?"

She laughed. "Don't worry I won't tell her. Can't say the same for my sister though, she likes to shake things up." She ran off to catch up with her group. I felt a chill run up my spine.

I turned my gaze to Strider. "So you're just going to walk around town naked?"

"Yes," Dave said with certainty. "Yes I am." Some girls walked by, he did the whole double pistols and a wink and made them giggle. What an asshole.

Terezi's POV

"Ok guys, we need ideas to show those dick heads which gender is the master of having a good time, any ideas?" I said allowing the group to input ideas.

Nepeta had shrouded in an aura of darkness and melancholy ever since we passed by the competition, so I decided to let her be.

Aradia was smelling her hands for corpse smell.

Vriska looked around for somebody else to say an idea.

Kanaya is staring at Vriska.

Rose is staring at Kanaya.

Jade was in her own little world, thinking of only god knows what kind of furry shenanigans.

Feferi raised her hand and jumped excitedly. "Actually, I know the perfect thing for us to do! I was going to do it myself but it'll be fun-er as a group!"

"Great!" I said. "What is it?"

(A half an hour later)

"The thing about relieving your anger," the instructor said with his annoying voice. "Is to ask yourself- "Am I doing this in positive and constructive ways?" If so, congradu- raisins. But if not, we have a little 'uh oh' going on there."

Vriska leaned over in discuss. "I can't believe you let Feferi convince you into taking us to an anger management seminar. I thought you were cooler than that."

"I'm sorry," I whispered harshly. "I thought by anger she meant retribution, and by management I thought she meant justice. I am not the one to blame here." Vriska groaned and hunched down in her seat.

Jade then passed out on my shoulder. I tried pushing her off but no matter what she kept falling back toward me, and she drools in her sleep too. And let me tell you, her spit does not taste the best. I'm not being picky, I tried to get used to it. Trying it again and again but I think I just don't like it- with no offence toward Harley of course, it must just be that earthland food, rotting away her taste buds.

"Steps you can try to clear your mind," the instructor continued. "1) Forget the past. 2) Ignore bad things that might've happened to you before now. 3) Try not to think of what use to be. 4) Do not pay attention to painful memories. 5) Let go of any triggering past events. 6) Promise yourself to-"

"OH MY GOD STOP!" Vriska said, standing up. "Those are all the same thing! Just worded differently!"

The instructor scoffed. "No, those are all completely different things."

I laughed. "HA HA- NO, there not."

"Yeah, they're defiantly not," Rose commented.

"I agree," chimed in Kanaya.

*SNORE* dreamed on Jade.

The instructor fumed. "SECURITY!"

Karkat's POV

Dave stopped in front of a shady bar. "I think this is the place," he said, not completely sure. "My brother says a friend of his goes here all the time."

John looked at the building unsure. "What are we supposed to do in here?"

"It's a bar," said Dave opening the door. "What do you think?"

"But we're under age," Tavros said, unsure of this.

"Yeah dimwit," I added in toward Dave. "What he said."

"Guys," Dave said knowing he was losing sense of the crowed. "Let's just try this out, and if you don't like it we can go home. Ok?" He went inside. Like the blind sheep we were we followed.

"I'm going to need some shots for my fine gentlemen here," said Dave approaching the bar tender.

The bar tender raised an eyebrow. "Are you guys 21?"

"Hell no."

"Do you have money?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"It costs double for minors."

"Aw what come on?!"

"Or you could go to jail, take your pick."

Dave sighed. "Fine then, just get us our drinks."

I sat hunched at the counter as he passed a small glass filled with liquor toward me. "I'm not drinking this shit Strider."

"Fine whatever. Do what you want."

I looked down at my glass, knowing there's no way in hell I'm going to drink this.

(5 shots later)

I draped my arm around Gamzee. "Gamzee, you wanna know what?" I slurred.

"What?" He said, chugging on some faygo. "You're like… my BEST fucking friend, you know that?!"

Gamzee beamed. "Really?"

"Yes brother, yooooouuuu complete me. I'm so pail for you right now."

Gamzee blushed. "Awwwwww shucks man. I don't really know you that well, and this morning you said you hated me, but you're totally my best friend too Karbro."

"You're fucking right I am! *hic*"

I saw beautiful John walk by and I quickly followed. "John baby wait!" he turned toward me. "Father?" he said, having trouble keeping his balance.

"Yes," I said holding him by the shoulders. "I am your father. But I also think you're sooooooo hot John. Like as soon as I met you-" I squeezed his shoulder excitedly- "I thought you were just soooooo hot! So I acted like I hate you to cover it up- I'M SO SORRY JOHN PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" John started to cry. "I'M SO GAY FOR YOU KARKAT! …er, dad… GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!" We had a wet embrace. Dave ran over to us. "I heard you're mating call John, and I'm here for you now." I squeezed everyone together. "We're ALL here for each other. *hiccup* we should like totally make out right now."

"YES!" Dave agreed. "Ok, everybody stick out your tongues. Yeees, like that. Good. Ok, now, touch your tongues- TOGETHER! Yes, like that very good."

John all of a sudden stopped and vomited on me and Dave. "JOHN," Dave said furiously. "YOU HAVE BETRAYED US."

He swooped me off my feet like a bride. "Me and Karkat *hiccup* are going to make out somewhere by ourselves!" Dave rasped.

"Yeah fucker!" I continued, flipping off Egbert. Dave whisked me to the men's bathroom and I swooned. I touched Dave's bicep. "OH MY GAWD DAVE! YOU SO STRONG! I'm fucking weak as shit man. And you have an excellent figure. *hiccup*"

"I know baby," Dave cooed.

Gamzee popped his head through the door. "Heeeeyyy best friend. I was just wondering if I could record you guys making out?"

"YEEES!" I exclaimed. "I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life."

"Ok, cool." Gamzee walked in and turned on hi camera. "Ok- commence the motherfucking sloppy make outs."

Dave and I then commenced the sloppy make outs. "Hiccup," I breathed. Dave stopped for a moment. "You realize that you didn't actually hiccup there- you just randomly said it."

I stood up furious. "DON'T JUDGE ME! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND- YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND!" I ran out of the bathroom in devastation. I sat down at the bar, distraught. Eridan sat next to me. "YOU KNOW WHAT KAR?!" He slurred, sipping down another shot. "IT'S HARD! IT'S HARD AND NOBODY UNDER STANDS!" I sobbed. "Hole me?" I whimpered gesturing I needed a hug. "Get over here," he said in his alluring accent. We cuddled for a while.

All of a sudden, a giant space octopus broke in through the roof. "HOLY SHIT!" I exclaimed. Equius screamed like a little girl and curled up into a ball. "Whoooooooaaaaa," said Gamzee, that brave man. Tavros stood up, totally pissed off. "IT'S YOOOOUUUU! SO WE MEET AGAIN YOU ASSS! YOU HAVE SOME NERVE SHOWING YOUR FACE AROUND HERE! LET'S DO THIS!" he screamed, right before passing out from drunk-ness. Eridan stood up abruptly. "Oh my god I'm in love!" he said laughing madly. "OH SURE Eri, why don't you just break up with me in front of your new girlfriend." I sneered. "Ok then," Eridan said coldly. "It's over Kar." I broke down into a sob. "I HATE ALL OF YOU!" I screamed into my hands.

Then Dave burst through the bathroom door. "I'LL SAVE US!" He declared triumphantly. He took off his shoe, and threw it at the beast. It then died, right then and there, collapsing on the bar roof and unable to fit through the hole it made. "NOOOOOOO!" screamed Eridan. "SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!" Sollux came over with lust in his eyes. "They're all beautiful baby." They then started making out, Gamzee turned on his camera to record it.

"YOU DID IT DAVE!" I said standing on the bar counter. "I salute you!" I said taking off my shirt in his honor. Everyone but Tavros, Sollux , Eridan joined me in the salute. Dave started to cry. "I'm so awesome," he sobbed.

Terezi's POV

"Man tonight blows," I said gnawing on some fries. After we got kicked out of the seminar we all headed to some restaurant, and have been eating a basket of French fries to the past 3 hours.

"I have to agree," Rose said disappointed. "That seminar gave out horrible psychological advice, many lives will be ruined."

Nepeta took a deep breath. "So," she said unhappily. "I suppose you and Karkat are going out know…" she said drifting off. "No, we're just friends," I said calmly, shoving some fries into my face. Nepeta straightened her posture. "But I thought you said you wanted to be topless with him?" I face palmed. "Oh my god no! It was just an example- nobody listens!" Nepeta, I assume, smiled and stuffed some fries into her face. "Ok then," she commented.

Vriska stood up. "I'm going to get some fresh air," she said heading for the door. I gnawed on a fry thinking to myself, how her voice was so familiar.

I stood up. "I think I'll go too," I said heading for the door.

When I came out Vriska wasn't there, but some sounds came from the alley next door. I followed the sound of a man's voice.

"Ok little girl listen up!" he declared. "Give me all your money or I'll blow your head off!"

I laughed. "Why that's unjust of you, freak." Vriska chuckled a bit to. "Glad you're here Tez," she said. "The more the merrier."

The guys, shifted his weight. The movement was joined by 2 others so I presume he's not alone. "Do you think this is a fucking game?! Give us your money or else!"

"I don't think you quite understand the situation," Vriska said, straightening her posture. "We're the Scourge Sisters, you're shit is wrecked."

The guy grunted and shouted to his men- "SHOOT THEM!"

Before they could even draw their weapons I and Vriska knocked them off their feet with ease. And so we fought, until they were unable to stand.

Vriska kicked the leader in the ribs. "So you thought you could take us?!" She sneered. She kicked him again and he cried out. "Vriska enough, justice was served." I said.

"No, he needs to learn his lesson before he actually hurts somebody someday." She stomped her foot down on his ribs, intending to break one. "So thought you could win," she chided. "Think again."

It all of a sudden hit me so hard, knocking the wind out of me. The whole world felt cold and damp, and I clenched my fist. I know why her voice was so familiar now, I knew I recognized it from somewhere. I just didn't think I'd find them here.

"You," I murmured, shaking in anger. Vriska stopped beating the guy up for a moment. "Eh?" she said confused. "I know you," I said sternly.

"Well no duh," Vriska said unaffected.

I ran up to her and grabbed her by the shirt color, pinning her to the wall. "YOU WHORE!" I screeched. "IT'S YOU!" Vriska put her arms up nervously and tried to pacify this. "Uh- can we just talk this over?!"

"You don't talk and you don't show mercy! I neither do I!"

"Ok there crazy pants, let's just calm down-"

"I recognize your voice from the phone!" I stated. "I know it was you!"

"What was me?"

"YOU KILLED MY MOM YOU BITCH!"

A silence ran through the air as this fact sunk in.

"And now I want retribution," I stated raising my fist. "Wait!" Vriska stated in panic. "It wasn't me! It was probably my mom!"

I stopped for a moment, letting down my guard. "You're… mom?"

"Yeah, she does all sorts of bad shit. The reason I'm here is because she's got dirt on the principle."

I released grip on her. "I- I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I just…"

I sunk to my knees, the intensity of rage I felt was slipping away leaving me to see the fault in my actions. Emotion was building up inside of me.

"I just… I want justice, so bad. And I just- I thought… She…" I gripped my arm harshly. "I don't know what I'd do, but all I knew when it happened was I wanted to find the killer. I thought I would get vengeance on her, and I know that I'm capable of that now, but I don't think this makes me any better."

Vriska squatted down next to me. "I'm sorry about your mom," she stated. She but an arm around me reassuringly. "My mom is a terrible person," she admitted. "And I guess… I am too."

Karkat's POV

"Kid! Hey kid wake up!" The bar tender said, shaking me. "The bar's been closed for 3 hours, I want to go home so let's go."

I moaned and rubbed my eyes. "I must've fucked up on that shit," I slurred. "I actually at one point saw a giant space octopus."

"That was real," the bar tender said, pointing up to the ceiling where the octopus still was.

"Holy shit," I mumbled. "Dave killed that thing with his shoe."

The bar tender handed me my shirt, which smelled like vomit and pee, and began waking up the others. My hangover was starting to kick in, and I decided to leave everyone to their slumber and go back to the dorm myself.

The air was cold and brisk that evening, silent to. You never would've thought a giant space octopuses had just tried to kill me, but that's your problem.

Terezi's POV

It was the next day, as dreary and pointless as the last. I sighed in defeat and walked up to Karkat. "Well Karkles, how was your night?" I asked.

"Humiliating, stupid, infuriating, I could go on." He stated, as we both head to the mess hall for breakfast.

As we passed by the girl's bathroom I quickly grabbed him and went inside.

"Well it couldn't be any worse than my night," I said grabbing the bottom of my shirt. "So here."

I flashed him quickly, just to get it over with. His face went completely red, blood spat from his nose and he passed out.

"Yeesh Karkles, be more mature about this," I said, disappointed.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Welp there you go, I leave you with this mess- PLOT DEVELOPMENT HAPPENED how exciting<strong>_

_**I'd like to quickly thank everyone for their amazing reviews and support! :)**_

_**parkerchasewithrow: I'm glad you like it so far- to answer your question on what I plan on doing with this I plan on having silly random adventures every chapter (hopefully with more supernatural events) but in the background of the chapters a darker main plot will be brewing (the war, ancestors, so ships here and there) I picture it like TV but less cool because it's not XD I'd be happy to take anybodies suggestions for a chapter idea (I will work with whatever ships you guys like)**_

_**If any body else has any questions or suggestions you can review or message me and I'd be happy to respond :3**_


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN: GUYS! I'M SO SORRY I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON- I PROMISED THIS WOULD COME OUT ON THANKS GIVING BUT IT'S BEEN LIKE A WEEK AN I'M HORRIBLE ASDFGHKL;KADHGAKDG_**

**_In other news- This chapter's kind of feelsy I will admit, it was at one point going to be all feels but I added humor so you wouldn't all die your welcomes (there will be no mercy soon though...)_**

**_Hussie: *puts gun to my head* say it_**

**_Me: I UM UH I UM OWN EVERYTHING?_**

**_Hussie: YOU OWN NOTHING *pulls trigger*_**

Chapter 6: The Thanksgiving Day special

Rose's POV

Oh, peaceful morning bliss rained down as I sat down at the table. I sat quietly at the breakfast table, rereading Mountains of Madness by H.P. Lovecraft. Kanaya, whom I usually would spend this time with, is currently occupied. Which I do not mind too much, that's what books are for. The background static was filled with vibrations that could be easily translated in to words upon concentration, soothed me. This morning was perfect.

Until of course, my relaxation was interrupted by a familiar sound.

"OH MY GOD! EGBERT WHAT THE BULDGE FUCK IS THAT THING!?" Exclaimed Karkat, after glancing upon John's noggin. There rested an inconceivably horrid object that would give Kanaya a ulcer.

"Why, this is my new hat!" answered John as he pointed to the giant cartoony pink frilly cowboy hat with pink lace around the edges. John rubbed the rim of the hat possessively. "I am so cool now…" he murmured to the hat, with desire.

Karkat face palmed and continued ranting. The words were blocked to vibration, which sadly was still loud and distracting. So I irritated pack up my things and left for greener pastures.

Later in the day, between classes, my phone began ringing with a call from Kanaya. The hallway was pretty rambunctious but I could still here her.

"Salutations Maryam," I greeted.

"Hello Rose," said Kanaya solemnly. "So, like I discussed with you earlier on how I tried to set up some "relationship bonding" at the movies for Vriska?"

"Yes," I said remembering it sulkily.

"Well it seems- sadly- she has a pre engagement, and is unable to attend."

I straightened my posture in hope. "Oh my, how dreadful," I said trying to sound sad and supportive. Kanaya sighed sadly into the phone. "I know it must certainly be annoying on how I go on about my flushed feelings, for that I apologize. It just seems… she's uninterested…"

"Uh-huh," I said hoping she would get to the point. Thinking about all this made me guilty, because I honestly really did hope Vriska would turn her down. Yes, this truly is bad actions of me, but I just knew it would never work from the beginning. And Kanaya truly does deserve to be noticed, and cared for.

Kanaya inhaled sharply and spoke again. "But on a side not, Rose, I was wondering if you would care to come with me." I chuckled a bit to act surprise. "Why Maryam, how kind of you. When does it start?"

"It starts-"

"STRIIIIIIIIIIDEEEERRR!" Karkat screeched as he stormed passed me as loud as he could.

I plugged the ear I wasn't using for the phone with my finger. "I'm sorry, could you say that again?"

"I said-"

"GIVE ME BACK MY UNDERWARE!" Karkat said, jumping up to reach the panties that Dave is jokingly holding well above his reach.

"I apologize Kanaya, but-"

"STOP EATING IT! JEGUS FUCK! GET MY GARMENTS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THIS INSTANT STRIDER!"

"Is there a problem Rose?" Kanaya asked. I scowled and walked away from the scene. "I'm going to have to call you back Kanaya," I said hanging up.

Finally at the end of the day it was time, me and Kanaya were off to our entertainment destination. It was a romantic comedy, which usually I'm not into (I'm more of a psychologically disturbing horror type of gal) but Kanaya seemed excited to see it and it made me quite cheery to see her in such a mood. We took our seats and the movie began. The beginning was slow, but I sensed sexual tension building as it move swiftly to the protagonists first kiss. The closed in but the feeling was light and the acting was bad.

And so I heard- "YOU CALL THAT A KISS!?" shouting out from a few seats behind me. I put my head in my hands. "Oh lord," I groaned.

"I actually thought it was sweet," I could hear John saying.

"No John, that was terrible. I felt acid rise to my throat and I almost lost my lunch. It. Was. Awful."

Terezi laughed. "I have no idea what's happening!"

"Well good, it would damage your brain cells if you did."

"Aww, you think I have brain cells? That's so sweet. Yesterday you said I didn't."

"OH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!"

I hunched in my seat, deprived of all positive feelings. I then hatched an idea. A devious idea. A monstrous, horrifying, merciless idea. Soon to be executed perfectly.

Karkat's POV

"EGERT, THAT'S NOT A BALLOON OH MY GOD!" I exclaimed during breakfast. Terezi sat down. "What's not a balloon?" she asked. "John found something in the men's bathroom, so apparently he put his mouth on it and blew in." I explained. "Well that's was she said," John added.

"Who's this mysterious "she"?" Terezi questioned.

"Er, nobody. It's just a joke." John answered.

"Is it me?" She said standing up, circling the table as if in an interrogation.

"N-no?"

"You sound unsure of this."

"No."

"Ok then. Is it Vriska?"

"No, it's not an actual-"

"Is it you?"

"Terezi I'm male."

"I know that!" Terezi snapped pointing her finger. "Jeeze John get with the program!" she pointed back at me. "You don't see Karkat asking any questions right now, even though he needs to."

"Yeah," I agreed, not really thinking through that sentence. Terezi sat down next to me and put her arm around me. "And you wanna know why? Because we're an unrepeatable duo!"

"Yeah- wait? What?!" I said feeling unsure.

"Yeah," answered Terezi. "Are intelligence and morals are on a completely different level than these fools. Especially that one," she continued, pointing to John. John wave and smiled. "Hello."

"Our instinctive ways of justice and power withstands all obstacles! Perfectly tessellated and dynamic!"

"Are you?... Uh…" I shifted my weight, feeling my face get hot.

"Spit it out, Karkles."

"That sounded extremely suggestive and inappropriate. Shit, I don't mean to sound like my brother but you're acting really weird."

Terezi laughed nervously. "What?! No. I'm not acting weird you're acting weird. You're so adorable."

"Adorabloodthirsty," I grumbled.

"Regardless, Karkles. I know I can truly count on you as a friend."

She pulled me close and whispered softly into my ear. "Can I borrow 5 bucks?"

I scowled and grabbed a wad of one's from my backpack. "Go crazy," I added handing it to her.

"YAY! Thanks Karkat!" She ran off to do whatever monstrosities she had arranged.

"Why are you looking at her like that?" John asked, taking a bight into his heart-attack-on-a-bun-fucked-up-excuse-for-a-breakfast. I straightened my posture in realization that I had been staring at Terezi as she leaned over and licked the glass of the vending machine. "Looking at her like what?" I said, a little unsure of what he was suggesting.

"Don't worry Karkat," Dave budded in to comfort me. "I've also felt a bit of a rise looking at the rump. Man, just the other night she slipped into some mud-"

"OH MY GOD STRIDER SHUT UP! I WOULD LIKE TO STILL HAVE MY HEARING AND MENTAL CAPABILITY UNSHROUDED BY HORSE SHIT!"

Dave put his hands up in defense. "Hey, I'm just trying to be supportive."

"WELL DON'T EVEN-" I stopped and looked at John, who had gotten up, and was squinting into the distance. "What the fresh fuck are you doing Egbert?"

"I thought I saw someone staring at us from inside that vent…" he murmured. "Like some crazy stalker."

I put my head in my hands. "Oh lord, it's her."

"Who?" John inquired.

"Nepeta. She's been stalking me for like a week, it's scaring the fuck out of me."

"Wow," Dave breathed. "It's just like me and the ladies back at my old school. Always swarming over my dick, stalking me from the shadows, begging me to come to their houses at 3 AM for "coffee."" Dave took a sip of his apple juice, thinking calmly. I stared at him in disgust. "You're despicable."

Dave scowled. "What, did I offend you your majesty?"

"I just can't believe you're so desperate you would lie about something that. It's flat out fucked up."

Dave straightened his posture. "I'm not lying. Where the fuck are you picking up this shit?"

"It just seems too good to be true," John agreed, finally speaking logically for once in his miserable excuse for a life.

"How is it at all untrue?! It's everything but untrue! It's is smothered, smoked in, and entirely fabricated out of the truth!" Dave said, getting upset. I have to be honest, I've never really seen him get worked up on anything like this before, not including that one Muppets marathon.

John laughed. "Dude, you're soooo lame." Dave snapped his head quickly toward John, I could've sworn I saw something red and angry glow from beneath his shades. For a second I thought we was going to explode, he was actually quite frightening. But after a few minutes he smiled.

"I see the day has come, when you questioned the mighty ways of my coolness."

John shifted his weight. "Uh, yeah?"

Sky outside suddenly got dark and thunder clapped.

"And you?!" Dave said looking creepily at me. "Do you question this as well?"

"I- uh- well, yes. 100 percent."

Dave stood up, there air grew red in tint. I felt a sudden weight push against my lungs, and my ears popped from pressure. John seemed to have felt this as well and looked terrified.

Dave stood up. "Well I guess there's only one thing I can do with shit wads like you." A dark aurora formed around him and some signs of electricity staticked about. "W-WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?" John whimpered. Dave laughed manically and I felt some blood come down from my nose, my head hurt so badly and my vision was static-like. "STRIDER WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!" I asked, seeming a bit braver than I was.

Dave sat down and sipped on his apple juice, everything returned to normal in a matter of milliseconds. "Absolutely nothing, because I don't give a fuck what you think. That's just how cool I am."

A beam of light shined down upon him and angels sang. Stats appeared in digital letters and a deep male voice screamed out- "LEVEL UP!"

I stood up outraged. "STRIDER! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!"

Dave raised an eyebrow. "What are you going to do about?"

"I'M GOING TO TAKE A STEAMING PILE OF HORSE SHIT AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOU-"

The loud speaker went off. "Will Karkat Vantas report to principal Scratches office please? Thank you."

John put his hands to his little baby cheeks. "Ooooooo busted!"

"Can it Egbert," I grumbled.

Rose's POV

Karkat entered the dark department where we lay in wait. I stood patiently beside Doc Scratch's desk, in the shadows. He shut the door and squinted his eyes to adjust to the darkness. "Uh, hello?"

"Greetings Mr. Vantas," greeted master Scratch. Karkat stiffened his posture and slowly approached the desk. He stopped a few feet and stood quietly.

"There's no need to worry Mr. Vantas, you're not in any sort of trouble."

Karkat relieved his posture and shifted his weight.

"I just called you here to discuss some issues lady Lalonde had brought to my attention." I stepped forward from the shadows. "Hello Karkat," I greeted. He nodded to the acknowledgement of my existence and turned his attention back to Doctor Scratch.

"Yesterday she reported some outburst of extreme negativity that seemed to have happened frequently. We looked into the matter further to find these sort of incidents seem to happen several times a day. And due to school policy," Scratch leaned forward in his chair. "We're going to have to assign you to some anger management counseling. Miss Lalonde has agreed to fill in this position for extra credit in her psychology class. Once in a while she will pull you from you classes for a therapeutic session until the problem has been solved."

Karkat stepped back a bit in surprise. "You can't be serious?"

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble Mr. Vantas but I'm always serious."

A puff of smoke appeared above Master Scratch's head and there was suddenly an afro there. He didn't seem to know of its sudden existence.

Karkat looked about in disbelief. "How does this even make any sense?! Like, don't you need parent permission for this sort of shit?!"

I lifted some papers to show him the signed document. "I'm afraid the arrangements have already been made. Your father sends his regards in the statement, and I quote- "Hope you're having a tickle-me-elmo blast.""

Karkat grumbled loudly. His hands went to his head and he started pulling at his hair. "Oh my god, the nerve of that guy!"

I stepped forward in order to pacify this. "Karkat you're going to be fine, lots of people around your age attend counseling. There's nothing out of the ordinary about it."

Karkat's hand slapped to his sides and curled into fist. Some steam blew from his nose. "Well what if I just refuse to do it!? What if I resist?!"

"Then that just proves you really need these sessions!" I said stated loud, but sternly.

Karkat took a deep breath and put his hands up. "See? I'm calm now. Perfectly fine."

"Good, we can begin now then." I headed toward the doors. "Follow me to my lair."

I walked briskly to my rented space, Karkat slinking solemnly behind. Reaching the small room with a desk, chair, couch, and the nessasray counseling equipment I required we entered. I took a seat in my chair, and gestured for Karkat to lay down on the couch. He hesitated and first, glaring angrily at the chair. As if in his mind he was cursing it, and all who sat or is to sit in its grip. Cursed to an early and well deserved grave… Or maybe that was just me when I cursed it this morning. I was practicing my dark magic like I always do when the mighty Cthulhu takes upon my vessel to do his bidding. I remember all the deeds I was forced upon, ready to soon release him and plunge the world into madness… don't tell my mother about this conspiracy.

He finally layed down and I took out my note pad.

"Ok Karkat, I would just like to let you know before we begin, that everything we discuss in our sessions in strictly confidential. Unless you seem to have plans to hurt yourself or others, everything will be our little secret. So I'll try to provide you with a positive open atmosphere, ok?"

He didn't answer me, he stared angrily at the ceiling. As if cursing it and all who- ok I'm not going through that shit again.

"So I'm just going to start off with a positive subject- do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?"

Karkat eyed me. "What do you think? I'm staying here, probably gain a thousand pounds of pure lard to choke on. Have a heart attack. Rot."

I rolled my eyes and laughed at his sarcasm. "I suggest you try being social at least for the holidays. Maybe spend it with your family."

Karkat scoffed at this idea.

Now I'm going to inquire in a few questions to find the source your stress. Do you ever feel stressed out by any of your school mates?"

Karkat sighed. "Yes."

"Could you name anyone in specific?"

"Fucking Egbert."

I began writing this down.

"Mister John Egbert?"

"Yes, that dorky guys who love Nic Cage. He's the crack of my ass."

"Uh-huh. Any reason for these feelings?"

Karkat sat up and quickly faced me. "Oh, so it seems you wonder about John and his ways? Well for one he's a total fuck up and a klutz. He's extremely ignorant, irritating, attractive, annoying-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," I said quickly putting my hands up. "Let's rewind back a bit, did you just say you find John to be attractive?"

Karkat's face turned red. "Uh- no?"

"Karkat, due try to be honest. I'm not going to tell anyone."

Karkat's hands went to the temples of his head and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't know. I guess… He is really cute. But in a weird way, that makes me want to vomit. Like a kissmisis."

I continued to write all of this information down. "I see, these blackrom feelings do explain a lot. Let's keep moving- anyone else you might have hateful feelings for?"

"Fucking Strider!"

"Elaborate."

"I also find him to be a total douche, but kind of in a different way." Karkat stopped for a moment. He furrowed his brow and thought hard, a sign of high self-consciousness. "It's not pure hatred like with Egbert. With him it's more I just find him annoying, but in a playful way? Wait no fuck scratch that, that sounded so fucking wrong- let's move on."

"Ok, whatever makes you more comfortable? Let's move on to your family, do you experience any stress there?"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "OH, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED WITH THOSE FUCK ASSES! JEGUS! My brother, Kankri, is the fucking worse. All he does is talk all day in and all day out blah blah blah. That bulged humpers never learned of a little something called IDGAF."

I looked up from my paper to enforce so positivity. "Are there any happy childhood memories you've experienced with your brother, at least?"

Karkat bit his lip, clearly hitting a sore subject. "Kankri and I didn't really grow up together."

I raised an eyebrow, hitting sad backstory dynamite. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Karkat sunk back into the couch solemnly.

"Are your parents divorced, Karkat?"

"No, it's not that. I don't even know if I have a mother. It's really complicated."

"Its fine, we have 10 minutes worth of back flashes to spare let in our session."

Karkat looked toward me pleadingly, clearly upset. "Don't tell anyone about this, ok?"

"I apologize Vantas to snap like this but I just spent the first 20 minutes of our session telling you that everything you say here is CONFIDENTIAL." I crossed my legs impatiently, but trying to put a concerned complexion on in order to arouse trust in my patient.

"Well, I didn't really grow up with my dad or my brother when I was little. I just learned of their existence a few years ago, before that I was told they were dead and I was an orphan."

I blinked at him for a minute, never realizing that childhood trauma was a possibility in this case. But I quickly started writing again. "I'm sorry to hear that mist Vantas, do go on."

Karkat sighed, putting off a vibe of discomfort. He rolled on his side so he didn't have to face me. He began his story.

Past Karkat's POV age 6 (earth years)

"Hey Kitkat!" Dan teased as he approached me. Dan and his coconspirators Ryan and Cole stood high above me, filled with upper body strength. I tried to ignore them and continue to sit peacefully under the willow tree. It was our recreation time outside, and it was to be honest, quite a lovely day. I had been quietly enjoying nature until these thugs came along.

"Did you hear that Ryan," Dan murmured loudly so I could hear. "I think this Kitkat retard is ignoring me." Ryan laughed. "Well that isn't very nice."

"Yeah," Cole agreed. He kicked me harshly, pushed me over. "Hey fuckass, speak."

I stood up and brushed myself off. "It isn't very nice to swear." I murmured nervously.

"What?" Ryan asked. "Did you say something motherfucker? I couldn't hear you over the sound of your hot pussy squirting out piss! You nipple-less bitch!"

"OHHH!" Dan cheered. "He just called you a girl Kitkat! Whatcha gonna do about it?"

I pulled up the hood to my jacket and walked away, sensing that bad things could come from this. I really just wanted to be left alone…

A rocked whirled by past my ear harshly. "Damn I missed!" Dan cried out.

I spun around in anger, my face turning red and hot. "What the heck did you do that for?! You could have hit me?!"

"Well that's the point Kitkat! You shouldn't ignore your superiors!"

I felt my chest tighten up as is it swelled up with rage. I gripped my fist and screamed out- "STOP CALLING ME KITKAT!"

I silenced toned before they started laughing. "OHHHH HE SO MAD!" laughed Cole. "What's he going to do to us?" Ryan wondered, mocking me. I felt my face go red in humiliation. I knew if I retaliated they would beat me up again. My ribs still hurt from the last time. I knew I just had to suck it up, and be as polite as I could. I took a deep breath and tried to remain positive. Life is not meaningless, but it can turn dark if that's all you can ever think about.

"DIG FAST!" I heard one of them shout out. I looked up quickly enough just to see a grey blur hit me square in the nose, knocking me right off my feet. They laughed some more, seemed like that's all they could ever do.

A burning sensation of pain radiated from my nose and blood began to poor out. I saw it trip down into a puddle, and collect all over my hands. My eyes widened in fear, chest tightened and I began to cry, franticly wiping the blood on to the grass to get it off of me.

"Awwwww, is little baby Kitkat afraid of a little blood?!" Cole laughed.

I looked up furiously, my eyes stinging from the sight of that candy red color. "IT'S HEMOPHOBIA YOU… YOU-"

"You what?"

"YOU JERKS!"

They laughed. "Awwwww, Kitkat and his little baby swears. Why don't you just grow up shitwad?"

My hands started shaking as blood continued to flow. My vision grew blurry and I started to hyperventilate. There was so much blood everywhere. It just kept flowing out so brightly, and warm, and sticky, and I was going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

My nausea exceeded its bare limits, my head pounded, my palms grew wet and sticky. I began to get so dizzy, like my soul was being dragged out of my body and I was going to pass out. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to-

"Be careful Kitkat! Or you're going to die."

They laughed and my panic attack abruptly stopped. The air grew so cold and dark and yet it gave me power. I felt my muscles tighten in rage. I stood up and clenched my fists.

"THE ONLY ONE WHO'VE GOING TO DIE IS YOUR DICK ON A SILVER PLATTER YOU MOTHER FUCKING, SHIT STUFFING, BULDGE HUMPING, NOOK WIFFING, FUCK MEISTERS! YOU AND YOUR SADISTIC WAYS MAKE ME SICK TO MY FUCKING LIMIT! I FEEL AS IF TO VOMIT EVERY MOMENT I THINK OF YOU'RE UGLY MUGS, YOU FUCK ASSES!"

Silence fell for a long cold minute. A dark look fell upon the boys as they began to angrily make their way toward me. I quickly realized the situation, turned around and ran as fast as I could. "GET BACK HERE RETARD!" they shouted hot on my tail. My heart pounded so hard I hoped it would kill me before they had a chance.

Why did I do that?! What the hell is wrong with me?! It was the first time I had ever sworn at anybody, and though the consequences be severe, the moment felt so good.

One of them grabbed me by the back of my jacket and yanked me backward. I choked in despair as they through me against an alley wall.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I won't do it again!" I cried, as they cornered in on me.

"You shouldn't mouth off to your superiors." Ryan said coldly as he punched me in the gut. "It's too late to say sorry. Now you're really going to die."

Karkat's POV (age 9)

"Vantas!" Mrs. Crawford screeched, knocking on my door.

I got out of my bed and answered in apathetically. "What?" She eyed me down. "Get dressed and pack your stuff. You're getting out today."

She walked away grouchily. The way she speaks would usually get me aggravated, but I could help be so fucking confused about what the hell she was talking about.

"Wait- what?!" I shouted down the hall. She spun around still walking back. "You just got adopted stupid."

My heart skipped a beat and I closed the door softly. "YES!" I fist pumped and did a stupid dance. Quickly I packed and practically tore off my bunny pajamas. Then I realized I had already pack my clothing so I unpacked, got dressed, repacked. I then dragged my suitcase which carried the few possessions I owned and made my way to Mrs. Crawford's office.

Inside the dark asylum she sat at her desk. At the desk also sat a man, he was big and had sort of an unapproachable vibe to him.

"Vantas," Mrs. Crawford began, gesturing to the man. "This is Mr. Crabdad, he's adopting you." Mrs. Crawford muttered something unpleasant about me and started filling out some paperwork. Anything would be better than this place.

Karkat's POV (age 11)

"Where have you been?!" Crabdad exclaimed when I walk in the door.

"What's it to you?!" I snapped, not really wanting to talk about it.

"It's fucking 10:30! Don't give me that attitude Karkat! You were supposed to be home by 8:00! What the fuck's the hold up!?" Crabdad fumed. He never really let me go out often, he was strangely protective over me.

"I said it's none of your fucking business!"

I stormed pass, and was on my way to my room.

"I DON'T THINK SO MISTER!" Crabdad stormed after me and grabbed me by the shoulder, turning me to face him

"Tell me what fucking happened!"

"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSSINESS!"

Crabdad let go and start pulling on his hair out of stress. He had obviously been drinking a lot this evening, probably due to something at work. His job was so shitty.

Crabdad yelled angrily and punched a hole in the wall with his fist. It kind of scared me when he got like this, sometimes I'd have to fight him to get him to calm down. He doesn't fight well when drunk.

"Dad stop!" I said. He hiccupped and fell down. I examined his hand to see if it was broken at all. It didn't seem broken, but it was bleeding. I quickly dropped, wiped the blood off on the wall, and tried to control my breathing.

Dad shakily stood up leaned against a wall, rubbing his rubbing his temples. "You need to be home on time, and not disobey me," He stated calmly.

"Yes dad."

He came over and hugged me warmly. "I love you son." I hesitated at first, but returned the affection. "I love you too dad." I really did mean it though. No matter how much we fought we was probably the only thing I loved in the world.

I quickly remembered the blood, and pushed him away.

Karkats' POV (age 13)

"Uh- hello?" I said, opening the door to the man in the business suit.

"Hello there, mister Vantas," he began. "I'm with child services. Your father was in an incident, I have authorization to take you with me."

I hesitated a bit, not really sure what to think of this. "Uh, sure." I followed him to his van and we drove away. "Where are we going," I said beginning to think over the situation with concern. "The court house," he answered. "I'll explain on the way there."

We both got into the social service van and drove off. "You father was in an incident at work," he began, without a sense of sympathy in his voice. "He was provoked and aggressively assaulted his boss. There having a court hearing, also seeing if he's still fit enough to keep your custody."

I shifted my weight in my seat, anxious. We arrived at the court house and I was placed to wait on a bench outside. The suspense was killing and stupid. For some reason, I wasn't as worried as I knew I should've been. But I just could fathom it, the idea of living with anyone other than dad. That reality just didn't seem realistic, yet I nagged in my mind knowing it could become all he more real.

Hours passed, at one point I phantasies about descending through the window, but then realized that would literally to nothing and was a stupid idea.

Finally someone emerged from the door and came to me. She came over and stood above me. "Sorry for the wait kid," she said hardboiled. "There was just lots of paperwork to fill out."

I furrowed my brow, knowing what's coming. "What kind of paperwork?"

The lady sighed, obviously not wanting to do this. "Kid, you're dad lost custody. Simple as that!"

"WHAT?!" I stood up furious. "THIS IS BULL SHIT!"

She put her hands up defensively and smiled. "It's not all that bad kid. A while ago a man came to the agency claiming to be your father." She held up a folder with some papers in it. "We had no authority to give you back to him until now. We've checked blood and everything and you are certainly related. You both certainly look alike-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed. "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT BIOLOGICAL PARENTING! I WANT TO STAY WITH MY DAD!"

The lady sighed. "Custody's already been exchanged kid, move on." She walked off in a strut shaking her lousy ass. I shakily stood up, thinking to myself solemnly. I'd just have to refuse, I'll run away. I quickly walked over to the window to try an open it. It turns out the entire time the window had just been a light box with sort of inner dimension inside. Damn.

"Karkat?" I heard a soft voice speak. I turned my head, to see my new care taker. My heart stopped, he looked exactly like me. There was no doubt in my mind that this man was my biological father.

"Karkat! Hey, give me some sugar," he said lovingly, opening his arms for a hug. I just stood there in disgust. "Okay then, we'll save the sugar for later."

His arms fell to his side and he smiled at me. What an asshole.

"Aw, you must be Karkat," said another older version of me. "I am you older sibling, Kankri Vantas. As a loving sign of affection I would tell you to call me by my nick name Kanny, but I would prefer it if you didn't call me that at all- seeing how it's the loathe of my existence."

"You're the loathe of my existence," I muttered.

"Yes yes but all loving jokes aside, I'd like to set up a loving brotherly bond with you. I will teach you the many ways of the world, a mentorship if you will. We will be the best of friends, except not because we're related and that sort of title is unnessasray and could be seen as "sad" to others. In the example that you were to walk up to your people and exclaim- "Hello everyone, my brother is my best friend" and they would reply "wow that's just sad." Trigger warnings: sad, the disease of friendship, strange brotherly behavior, loneliness."

My eye twitched as I stood in awe. Man does he talk a lot.

"Well Karkat," my "father" said happily. "We should get going, it's pasta night." They turned to walk away, and take me to my "home." I hesitated, getting a sick feeling inside. I wouldn't get to say good bye. Suddenly, an impulse ran through my body and I dashed through the court hall doors.

"DAD!" I screamed out, hoping he would still be there. The court room was empty.

"Karkat," my custodian came in. "We should be getting home now."

"THEN GO THEN! IT'S NOT MY HOME!" I screamed, pointing in accusation. "AND YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!" He stuttered back a bit, obviously hurt by the comment. He regained his confidence. "Karkat, let's go please."

I gave him a special finger of mine.

Rose's POV

"... I see, this actually explains a lot about your psychological behavior."

I finished writing the rest of my notes and looked up at him. He stared sullenly at the ceiling. "I don't really care about that," Karkat said, begging to sit up. "I want to know what it is I have to do to never have to do this again. Ever. This has been the worst fucking hour of my entire life."

"Well, do you have any idea of how you got separated from your father in the first place?" I asked hoping for enlightenment. "I don't know," he breathed. "Some sort of accident or whatever, I really don't care.

I thought to myself of the proper strategies and precautions of his rehabilitation. "Well, I suggest reconditioning. We're going to show you to knew in environments and reshape your reaction to them in order to get a more positive response."

Karkat stared at me blankly. "That sounds like it'll take a long period of time... Which... The complete... Fucking... Opposite of what I wanted."

I shrugged. "I'm sorry mister Vantas but this seems like the most effective way of treatment."

"Well I think that-"

"You listen here Vantas!" I snapped. "So help me I will summon the great Y'golonac to possess your body to become obese, decapitated, and extremely sadistic!"

A silence fell upon the room as Karkat stared confused at my outburst.

"I'm sorry to yell but I wish you would take my authority seriously."

"I'm sorry," Karkat replied. "I just- DONT. LIKE. TALKING. ABOUT MY SHIT." Karkat start pulling at his hair in frustration of mental exhaustion.

"Karkat, I'm sorry to say that your first assignment that I am commanding of you is to spend Thanksgiving with your brother."

Karkat looked at me enraged. "WHAT?"

"I just think if you spend more time with him your opinion of him might improve."

"ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO SOCIALIZE WITH THAT PRICK!" Karkat screeched, standing up and expressively waving his arms about like a dork.

"Please try to calm down," Rose protested. "I want you to sit down, close your eyes, and imagine you're Kankri, and how he feels about your relationship."

Karkat took a deep calming breath and sat down. He closed himself and muttered about the ignorance of it all.

Karkat's POV

Ok, think like Kankri. I have to pretend to be an ignorant fuckass who messes up every odors business. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and imagine this as best as I could.

My thinking pan began to fizzle. Steam blew out as the engine accelerated. I was begging to enter the mysterious land of my IMAGINATION. (Rainbows)

I opened my eyes to see a blank, white, void of color, a space that seem to go on for eternity. "Er, hello?" I called out through the cavernous subspace, the echo being my only reply. "I must be in the realm of my imagination," I thought out loud. All of a sudden a giant neon sign morphed out of what I presumed is the ground and flashed brightly reading a long saying a big booming voice- "WELCOME TO THE REALM OF YOUR IMAGINATION!"

"Yeah, I already figured that out fuckass!" I shout at I own subliminal thoughts. I would have to be careful what I thought here, seeing how unstable impulsive the REALM OF MY IMAGINATION seemed to be.

'WHAT EVER YOU DO KARKAT,' I thought to myself. 'DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT ONE THING!"

But it was too late. "I don't speak hipster, but I can if you like," I heard a familiar voice echo out. A stage rose out of the ground and the world went dark except for a single spot light.

"I'll take you out tonight,

Do whatever you like,

Strider Strider be mine,

Strider be mine!

There I saw myself, singing in a pink suit and a top hat like a half bake princess poser.

"NO NO NO STOP!" I screamed waving around. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SUBCONCOUS!" The other me grinned evilly. "Why? You know you've always end wanted to do it, to join the Broadway. To be a-" an army of light shine around him- "STAR."

"NO NO NO GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Suddenly the light went on and Broadway me was gone, shoved a bit deeper into my subconscious.

"Ok let's focus," I murmured to myself. I took my hands to my head and concentrated hard on being a big bulge sack in a big red sweater.

I opened my eyes, to a more peaceful feeling. My thoughts were clearer at this moment- no, not cleared. They were still fluttering with thought and ideas, but in a sense was more focused, organized. But I still felt extremely tired, maybe even more so. And my body felt bruised as if someone had beaten the shit out of me. I felt this fairly naked in this body, excluding the extremely tight pants. But for a shirt I wore a huge red sweater, that was so big it was like my own little sweater town. I felt the instance of knowledge and the kindness to express and teach these ways to others, for their own benefit, no matter how much they begged and screamed for me to stop before their lungs imflamate.

I am now Kankri Vantas.

Up ahead I saw me- er- Karkat, eating solemnly at the breakfast table. This is Kankri's- Damn it- my time to shine. I have always wanted a brother for companionship, seeing how dad's always going on his ambassador business trips. I cannot screw this up.

I took a seat at the table and smiled. "Good morning Karkat, isn't it such a lovely day," Karkat growled angrily at me and continued eating. "Why, thinking of this lovely weather reminds me of just a few years ago with the most interesting but, needn't working in its lack of facts, informative story. I was walking along the sidewalks on my usual wake up routine to get me in the best mind set for school, when my paths crossed with a robin egg's nest. The mother bird waited patiently with grace for her eggs to hatch, a truly inspirational and heartwarming sight… Except for the fact it was October, and there was no possible way that at this point those eggs were going to hatch, but the message is still the same… Er, wait no scratch that. It's rather more soul crushing than heartwarming. Trigger Warnings: infantile death, forever lonely, birds. Any so I stumbled upon this interesting twig that-"

"OH MY GOD I DON'T CARE!" Karkat groaned, standing up in disgust. He began to walk away, and I felt a ping in me to remember my true intentions.

"Wait, Karkat!" I called out. "I was hoping we could bond, like brothers."

"You're not my brother," Karkat objected, heading upstairs to his room.

I opened my eyes in reality, as Karkat. I couldn't help but feel the drowning sensation of guilt.

"Maybe I'll…" I started, standing up. "Celebrate the holidays, with Kankri this year."

Rose smiled. "The first step toward healing."

**_AN: My grammer is terrible, and all the paragraphs are in different font sizes! uhg I'll fix it later because i'm too tired for this BS_**

**_And just so you know- yes, I did add some Broadway Karkat in there for all of ya's because I just discovered it and have been obssessing all week (Listens to "God Fucking Damn it Dave" and thinks 'Oh this song's so cute' BUT THEN DOKI DOKI WHY IS HE BREATHING SO HARD IN THE MIC I CAN HERE HIS BREATHING)_**

**_I will admit that I'm a crazy fangirl XD_**

**_parkerchasewithrow_********_:_**** FIST BUMPS YOU BACK BRO**

**SEE YOU SOON GUYS**


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: I'll just admit now that I'm a terrible person and I'm so sorry this took so long T_T 3 long weeks have passed my friends... now that the begging forgiveness is over I'd just like to say we're going to have a bit longer of an intro today because I think the end of the chapter is mysterious and I'm evil so I want to leave you hanging. I'd just like to apologize ahead of time for any confusion with this next chapter because it's based off something I saw and you probably wont get it if you've never seen it. (KILL LA KILL YES) And I've finally discovered the miracle of Stabdad! So of course that's in here, and Broadway Karkat comes back because I'm overly obsessed and I need professional help. Also the whole sandwich thing actually happened to me last week ^^ I was just screaming profanities in my mom's car because of the hole in the bag and I thought it would be adorable (ADORABLOODTHIRSTY MIND YOU) if Karkat did this but now rereading the scene it doesn't make much sense... any way enough about me. Enjoy the thingy.**_

_**AH: are you forgetting something?**_

**_Me: nope_**

**_AH: *HAS A CONNIPTION* NO I'M DONE WITH THIS BULL SHIT! PEOPLE GET THE IDEA! I OWN IT!1 NO EXCEPTIONS! GET LIVES!_**

Chapter 7: No Tardies day

John's POV

The siren went off in a blasting flare of noise and alarm. It rang out in our dorms, the hall ways, our school. Some of us groaned miserably, rubbing their sleepy eyes, yawning their apathetic yawns. Those brave sons of a bitches. The other half, sat up in alarm and panic. Sweat dripping, eyes darting, heart pounding. Like a bunch of pansies. TCH, pathetic. I seemed to be the brave hero of this film. With a heart of gold, I strived out to make my way home to my loving wife and daughter.

I sat up in alarm in panic, sweat dripping, eyes darting, heart pounding.

"WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT?!" I screeched worriedly.

I looked to Dave, whose bed was next to me. He surprisingly looked as frightened as I was. He clapped his hands together swiftly and began praying.

"Dear Santa- It's me, the chosen one!" He screamed at the ceiling. "I've made so many offerings of backed treats, dairy products, and sexy beats in your honor! Don't let me down man! YOU OWE ME BIG YOU FAT SHIT! Amen."

Tavros stood up and looked around frantically. "Maybe it's a warning. Like something evil is coming. With dark magic and stuff!" He conspirisized.

"MAGIC ISN'T REAL DIP SHIT!" Eridan screamed in his british accent.

Tavros ignored him and gripped his fist in determination. "IT'S TIME TO JUMP INTO ACTION TO BE THE HERO! TO BE-" He ripped off his pajamas to reveal he was wearing tights. "-PUPA PAN!" He then grabbed a giant lance out of a small compartment in his suitcase and charged out the door.

"Ok," I said, standing up to get everyone's attention. "Now that Peter Pan's out of the question, WE NEED A NEW HERO TO STAND UP! SOMEBODY LIKE-" I quickly ripped off my pajamas to reveal cut offs and a dirty tank top. My hair instantly flashed and grew into a mullet. "THE AMAZING NICOLAS CAGE!"

Nobody said anything. Dave began a slow sarcastic clap.

"Oh my ass Egbert!" Karkat groaned, standing up. "If anyone's going to be leader around here it should be me!"

"Excuse me," Eridan said, also standing up. "But wwho among us studied military stratigics here?"

"Whoa- we have a military?" Gamzee wondered, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Sollux shouted in reply. "BUT I HEAR HE'S A REAL ASS!"

Eridan ran to Sollux and tackled him, and all hell broke loose. Everyone began screaming and arguing with one another.

The announcement speaker blared on with the voice of our beloved principle, everyone immediately stopped fighting and looked up to the ceiling. "Attention students, it's no tardies day. Please proceed in an orderly fashion out of the school and our supervisors will lead you to your designated starting point. Thank you."

The static went off and everyone stood, awkwardly and reluctantly. "Well, I guess we go outside…" I said, pointing to the door. I made my way there and everyone began to follow.

All of the first years lined up and filed their way out of the school and into the night. Most were apathetic and sleepy, I for example yawned and stared blankly ahead. A very few amount of others were wide awake, and ranted on in complaints.

"OH MY GOD IT'S SO FUCKING COLD WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE THIS IS POINTLESS AS FUCK OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK I CANT EVEN COMPREHEND I MEAN WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE WHAT SORT OF FUCKASS CAME UP WITH THIS FUCKING IDEA LIKE NO ONE COULD THINK OF ANYTHING AT THE SCHOOL SHIT MEETING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HEY I HAVE AN IDEA LETS WAKE UP ALL THE FIRST YEAR STUDENTS AND MARCH THEM OUT INTO THE FUCKING COLD AND DARK FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AND THEY ALL BE LIKE OH THAT'S A GREAT IDEA I SECOND THAT LETS TO THIS SHIT I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK WHY AM I EVEN HERE I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED WHERE IT'S WARM AS FUCK BUT NOOOOOOOO I'M OUT HERE WITH YOU NOOK WHIFFERS WHAT'S THE POINT TO THIS WHAT'S THE POINT TO ANYTHING WHY HASN'T THE VOID CONSUMED US YET GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY FUCKASS OH MY GOD ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING JOHN-" Karkat continued, screaming the entire way there. (Where ever "there" was)

Finally the marching stopped and everyone form this big blob, talking in a mass of worries and confusion.

"ATTEMTOIN STUDENTS!" Mr. Noir screamed, waving his arms around to grasp everyone's attention. Everyone stopped there useless chit chat and turned there gaze to the mysterious and suspicious Jack Noir. Man, I swear that guy is so creepy he could be in gang. He would probably be the stereotypical "Scottie dog loving stabber." Classic, and yet cliché.

"Right, listen here you little shits," He began. "Todays No Tardies day. We've brought you here to the edge of town to begin this enduring and strengthening process. When I release you all you will begin to make your way through a deadly obstacle course to the school. If you fail any part of the obstacle course you get eliminated, and at the end of the day- PUNISHED SEVERELY. The ideal goal is to make it there before class begins. NO TARDIES ARE ALLOWED! Every year after I'm done speaking there's always one smart ass who raises his pathetic hand and asks- "Are tardies allowed?" IT'S CALLED NO TARDIES DAY FOR A REASON FUCKERS! Now, any questions?"

Dave raised his hand. "Are tardies allowed?"

"YOU!" Mr. Noir pointed, shivering with rage. "GET OVER HERE! YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY ELIMINATED!"

Dave raised his hands in the air and stoically replied "woohoo" as he made his way to Jack Noir's side. "Any other questions?"

I raised my hand hesitantly. "What sort of severe punishment?" I asked.

"Excellent question," Jack Noir stated. "Every year we do the same punishment. It's gruesome and cruel, but necessary to our plans."

I raised my hand again. "Are they evil plans?"

Mr. Noir looked around suspiciously. "Uh, no- of course not! Our plans are nice and fluffy. Where nobody gets hurt. Defiantly an all merciful punishment."

"Wait a second," I began again in confusion. "If you're being merciful does that mean tardies are allowed?"

Noir pointed angrily at me. "GET YOU TIGHT ASS OVER HERE NOW!"

I sulkily joined Dave, accepting the fact that an all merciful punishment would be bestowed upon me. "Hey man," Dave greeted. "Did he get you too?"

"Uh, yeah? He just yelled at me… like 3 seconds ago… in front of you."

"Of who now?"

"Dave-"

"SILENCE TRAITORS!" Mr. Noir hissed. He grabbed a little gizmo from his pocket and pressed a big red button. All of a sudden the ground shook and obstacles began rising from the ground. Man this thing looked hard as hell. (That's what she said…) There were volcanos, giant spikes, alligators, etc. The city in different areas surrounding the school rose up in plagues and cascades. Man I was glad to already be eliminated. "There are different levels of the city, depicted by flat height," Mr. Noir explained. "There is only one way to get up to the next level, and there are only so many spots that can be taken. You are all enemies now. Do not feel sympathy, or generosity, or empathy, but aggression. Aggression is acceptable."

"On you mark! Get set! GO!"

Karkat's POV

The throng screamed in panic and began running forward in a giant mass, slowly dispersing as we ran. They tripped and pushed others out of there way's like savages. It was real fucked up shit, I can tell you that.

There were weapons, strewn about that people would grab and strife with. There were drones, flying around with… BUCKETS- making people to the most unspeakable of things. Gigantic monstrous bats dropped boulders from the sky.

I ducked unseen beneath the screaming crowd and quickly made my way ahead of the crowd. Up ahead was a wide gorge, the sides were bridge by thin logs The cavern below was so deep i couldn't see the bottom, just an empty void. Well that see incredibly "safe" for children and totally "legal." Wow.

I waited for a clear moment to cross and climbed up the log. The wind blew furiously above the gorge and my skirt flew up, revealing my Disney princess underwear. Someone from behind shouted in lust- "Who is this beautiful same who has stumbled into my life! Her beauty cannot be matched! Madame! I must know your name!" I turned around and showed him the bird. "I'M A DUDE YOU MORONIC SACK OF SHIT NOBS!" The wind blew again and again my skirt blew up and Marilyn fucking Monroe. Some people oo'ed and aw'ed taking pictures. "OH MY GOD GET A LIFE PERVERTS!" I screamed embarrassed running as fast as I could across the gorge, bravely ignoring all danger. I seriously need to ask someone for a boy's uniform this is fucking ridiculous.

Finally after several minefields and insane clown posse attacks I reached a Mountain with several cave openings. A loudspeaker played in a drones voice repeating the words- "Level 1 final boss, find your name and enter, you little ass wipes."

"Tch, if anyone's an ass wipe it's you." I muttered back."

"I FUCKING HEARD THAT!" It screamed violently in the loudspeaker before returning to its droned speech.

I looked around the edges of the enormous mountains, honestly surprised because mountains do not exist. Any fuckass out there who says they exist is now dead to me. Finally after a few minutes of staring at a "non-mountain" structure I found a cave opening with my name embroidered above it. It was filled with dark void and hot air. I really don't want to go in there, but I guess I really don't have a choice. Man this school really sucks balls.

I hesitantly entered the cave, feeling the dark humidity engulf my entire being. I walked for what seemed to be an eternity, even thought that was a sucky exaggeration and was obviously just 3.5 minutes. Finally I saw a light up ahead and quickly made my way to it.

I entered a cavern in which felt like the middle of the mountain. Inside stood a vicious beast who I would seem to be indescribable. I felt a sudden shiver go down my spine, knowing if I did ever try to describe it my lungs would mysteriously explode.

"WELCOME TO MY CHAMBER," it boomed ominously. "TO DEFEAT ME YOU MUST COMPLETE MY CHALLENGE." The echo lingered through the cavern, leaving it with a long pause of silence...Whoever'so writing this is a true master of suspense! Let's move it along now! And I don't give a fuck if I just broke the fourth wall- lets go already!

"What the hell do you want?" I asked impatiently, crossing my arms.

"YOU MUST PREFORM A TASK IN ORDER TO SOOTHE MY BOREDOM. I MEAN, it's actually kind of boring," it said breaking character revealing its true passive nasally voice. "Being trapped in this mountain you can imagine the reception is shit. And Jeremy and I got into a fight recently and he stopped coming over..." It trailed off into a state of sadness. "THEREFORE YOU MUST ENTERTAIN ME. THE MIGHTY TARZAN. HAVE. SPOKEN."

"You... Want me to entertain you?" I uselessly thought out loud. "YES, I SAID IT LIKE 500 TIMES." I rocked emerged from the ground and magically turned into a closet. "THERE'S SOME SHIT IN HERE IF YOU NEED IT."

I looked around the cavern, checking for cameras. "No one can see us- right?"

"AS FAR AS YOU CAN TELL ON YOUR PATHETIC 3 DIMENSIONAL PLANE OF EXISTENCE, YES."

I took a deep breath and mentally preparing myself. It's about to go down.

I entered the closet, only to emerge a short time later. Microphone in hand, pink sparkly tuxedo.

"Four,

Three,

Two,

Fuck you."

Some music started playing from nowhere, but I just went along with it.

"Listen up y'all, this shit is ironic,  
>Strider's beats are best suited to Trolls Hooked on Phonix!<p>

Karkalicious definition makes Terezi loco

She wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo.

Dyin' just to know the flavor

I ain't doin' her no favors

No reasons why I tease

Her flush just comes and goes like seasons

I'm Karkalicious (so delicious)  
>No, I don't DO Kismesis.<br>And if you read any fanfics  
>All that shit is fictitious.<br>I blow kisses (mwah!)  
>Don't matter if we're just moirails'<br>Trolls be lining down the Veil for a chance to fill a pail -"

"NO STOP NOW JUST STOP." Tarzan Commanded. "THIS IS JUST GETTING WEIRD. AND VULGAR. EW. NONE THE LESS, YOU DID DISTRACT ME A BIT FROM MY INTERNAL SORROW, AND SO YOU PASS."

"HA!" I pointed in triumph at him. I quickly ripped off this shitty suit and skedaddled.

Back through the dark endless cave I went, until I finally reached the end. Out of the cave I was confronted with a flat straight wall of rock. There were the wires tied from the top and hooked to the ground, when you unhooked them they would pull you to the top of the plague, entering level two. Of course by the time I got there, there were only few wires left- fuckadoodledoo. I quickly looked for an open spot that was surrounded by people twice my size.

And then I saw the perfect spot! Bingo! A master piece! Of course, you are incapable of seeing therefore I must describe it to you, no matter how many astro physical linear laws of space time I'm breaking. No point crying over a broken fourth wall.

I quickly made my way to the line. I was about to unhook it when I felt a swift kick push me away. I looked up to see Gamzee, huffing and puffing. "Gamzee! What the fuck?!" I shouted. "Sorry Karbro," He stated sincerely. "But I… motherfuck… yeah…" He trailed off trying to catch his breath. "What the fuck happened to you?" I asked.

"THERE WERE CATS!" Gamzee screamed terrified. "MILLIONS OF THE LITTLE MOTHER FUCKERS! CATS! CATS EVERYWHERE! SHIT!" He took a deep breath before a swift kick knocked him off his feet. We both looked up to see who it was.

"Terezi?" I questioned. She huffed and puffed, looking totally pissed. "GAMZEE YOU ASS! WHY DID YOU PULL ME INTO THAT CAT PILE AND LEAVE ME TO DIE!?"

Gamzee laughed innocently. "I knew you could handle it. Isn't it a motherfucking miracle to be alive?"

"NO. IT'S NOT. I'M TAKING THIS FUCKING LINE!" She huffed and stomped over to the line. Gamzee quickly got up and talked her with this crazy look in his eyes. "DON'T EVEN MOTHER FUCKING TRY IT BITCH!" His voice boomed. Terezi looked frightened and pushed him off of her. "I'LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU GAMZEE!"

Gamzee through a swift punch her way. She caught it and twisted his arm, punching him in the stomach with the other. Gamzee quickly recovered and flipped Terezi over, putting her in a headlock, choking her. Terezi tried to pry off his arms without success. She bit his arm with his crazy as fuck sharp teeth. He yelped and dropped her. Terezi crawled away, gasping for air. Gamzee heaved picking up a giant boulder above his head to crush her with.

I felt an extreme moment of panic, my grip on reality slipping. Next thing I knew I had tackled Gamzee to the ground. "GAMZEE STOP!" I hissed. He used his weight to roll over making him on top of me. "Stop what?!" He questioned. His expression scared the ever loving shit out of me. I wasn't sure if this was my brain's reaction to the situation or if he actually looked like that.

Then Terezi kicked him in the head, off of me and seemingly made him unconscious. We both breathed in relief. "Oh my god…" she murmured. "What the fuck was that?"

"I don't know," I said shakily standing up. "But we better get going before he wakes up."

We both turned toward the line, that Tavros was standing next to. "Thanks for the distraction Gamzee!" He waved happily. Gamzee lifted his head and smiled. "Anytime Tavbro." Tavros unhooked the wire and went off to level to. The last wire.

"YOU FUCKING CLOWN!" Terezi screamed running over to kick Gamzee again. I intervened. "Guys stop enough! I've had enough emotional terror for one day!"

Gamzee stood up and gave me a pat on the back. "You're right Karbro, we should be working together to find another way up the mountain."

"It's not even a mountain, mountains aren't real asshat," Terezi murmured under her breath.

A sound of an old truck popped, and the sound grew closer. We turned around to see Jack Noir in his car driving by us.

"HEY NOIR FACE!" I screamed getting his attention. Noir turned his attention toward us and stopped his vehicle. He rolled down the window with look of disbelief. "What the cruds are you youngsters still doing here?"

Gamzee stepped forward with his jazz hands. "Hey there brother, can I take this time out of your busy schedule to talk about our lord and savior the mirthful messiah?"

Terezi hit him in the back of the head.

"Ignore him, he's drugged," I said gesturing to Gamzee. "We were wondering if we could get a ride to school."

Jack Noir laughed. "HAHAHAHA NO FUCKING WAY! If you didn't get a seat to level to your eliminated. Hit the road kid."

Terezi pulled me aside in a huddle. "Now what do we do, all glorious leader?" I thought for a moment and clenched my fist. "I'm gonna show that turd a piece of my mind!"

I approached the old man, who leaned crossed armed against his truck, bored. "NOW YOU HERE FUCKASS," I stated waving my arms about. "I DIDN'T WAVE THROUGH SCREAMING CROWDS, CROSS PREVERTED GORGES, AND DO UNSPEAKABLE ACTIONS TO A GIANT SNAKE JUST TO GET ELIMINATED! YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME IN THAT SAD EXCUSE OF A TRANSPORTATION DEVICE BEFORE I FLIP MY SHIT!"

Jack squinted his eyes and leaned threateningly into my grill. "You know what kid?" He spat more than said. He took out a knife hidden in the crotch of his pants and unsheathed it. He licked his lips menacingly.

"Uhhh," I stammered backing up. Man this guy is a nut job.

"I don't like your tone with me, kid. I am your superior in every way, you future is in my hands… but I like your attitude overall. You would make a great gangster someday kid! (Not that I would know anything about that…") I've decided to appoint myself as you SENSEI!" He grew a wide smile that kept growing wider and wider and it was the grosses thing I've ever seen.

"Uh, ok sure whatever- can we get a ride in your car now?"

"Well I'd be a pretty shitty Sensei if I didn't care for the wellbeing of my pupil, in a tough love, pale, fatherly way."

"Come on we don't have all day is that a yes or a no?"

"Yeah sure get in the car kid."

Terezi, Gamzee, and I piled in the back of the car. Noir got in front and turned on the radio, listening to a smooth jam about stabbing people ruthlessly. The awkwardness lingered for about 10 minutes before stopped over in a restaurant and gas station. "Hey you kids want anything to eat?"

Gamzee was sleeping and didn't answer. "I'll just have some beef jerky!" Terezi said clenching her fists in determination. "Can I get a sandwich, er- something," I said not really paying attention. Jack Noir left and came back with our foods a little while later. "Ok guys, I'm going to fill up the gas tank and I'll be back in a minute. DO NOT GET ANY FOOD ON THE SEAT. I just cleaned this piece of shit yesterday." Jack closed the door and began filling it up. I turned to Terezi who had already inhaled her beef jerky.

"Ok now Karkles," Terezi said eyeing me. "Eat that messy gas station sandwich CAREFULLY-"

"Yeah yeah I know I get it! Jegus! Have some faith in-"

The bag broke and the entire sandwich collapsed onto my lap.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK-" I screamed having a mental break down.

"OH MY GOD STOP KICKING AND PICK IT UP! QUICK! BEFORE HE COMES BACK!" Terezi screamed also panicking.

Gamzee snored even louder.

"OK OK FUCK FUCK!" I said starting to pick up the bits and pieces and shoving them into my mouth.

Jack Noir's POV

I heard some weird muffled screams coming from inside the car. Boy those kids are weird.

Karkat's POV

"KARKAT BE CAREFUL IT'S GETTING ON THE GROUND!"

"I KNOW I KNOW SHUT UP HE'S GOING TO HERE US!"

Gamzee fluttered his eyes and looked over. "What's all this food that magically appeared on your lap? Can I have some?" Gamzee asked reached over. He picked up a huge clump and messily flung it to his side of the car.

"GAMZEE STOP!" Terezi screamed in horror.

Jack Noir knocked on the window. "What the hell is going on in there?" He asked muffled through the glass. His eyes widened when he saw the mess. "DID YOU LITTLE SHITS-"

Terezi leaped to the front of the car and started driving. "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! SCHOOL STARTS IN 20 MINUTES!"

I rolled down the window. Jack Noir had a terrifying look on his face as he ran faster than any normal human should be able to run. Knives in both hands, he was screaming about all the horrific ways he was going to kill us.

"HE'S CATCHING UP TO US!" I shouted in alarm.

"THIS PIECE OF SHIT DOESN'T GO ANY FASTER!" Terezi stated.

Gamzee looked out the window. "Oh, is that the problem? Easy, I'll go stop him," Gamzee said opening the car door.

"NO GAMZEE!" I screamed pulling him back in. Gamzee looked to me completely calm. "What's the matter Karbro?" A large thump hit the back of the truck and a knife cut its way through the side, almost nailing me in the head. I do admit to screaming like a little girl.

"FUCK! HE'S THROWING KNIVES AT US!" Terezi shouted in frustration, glancing at the side mirror.

Another Knife pierced the side of the car and landed in between my legs.

"SHIT THAT WAS CLOSE!"

"This is why I should go stop him," Gamzee began again, looking a bit more serious, like it was something not out of stupidity but loyalty.

"Wait! Gamzee," I said grabbing him by the shoulder. "He'll rip you limb from limb!"

"Well it's a good thing I have four of them right?" He laughed.

I looked him in the eyes with concern. "Gamzee…"

"Well, gotta go. This has been fun," Gamzee said prying off my hands and opening the car door.

"WAIT! GAMZEE-"He saluted and jumped out. I rushed to the door and looked out to see him crash right into Jack Noir. "GAMZEE!"

Terezi's POV

I gripped the wheel and grit my teeth. As much as I felt off edge about Makara, he had been a part of are crew, and left doing a noble deed.

"Did he get him?" I asked Karkat, focusing to much on the road to look back.

There was a long silence until Karkat finally shut the car door and sat in his seat solemnly. "Yeah… He got him."

There was a long silence of driving as we pulled ourselves together. Until I pulled to the side of the road in panic. I franticly took off my seat belt and got out of the car making high pitched noises. "What? What's wrong?" Karkat asked.

I turned around jumping from foot to foot holding my crotch.

"I have to use the bathroom!"

Karkat stared at me in disbelief. "Oh my god we don't have time for this!"

"It'll only take a minute, calm your pants- Yeesh."

I ran off into the bushes.

Karkat's POV

Terezi came back 15 minutes later. She looked tired, dirty, and somehow changed into a sailor uniform. "Whoa! What the hell happened to you!?"

"Nothing I don't want to talk about it," she stated, quickly hopping in the car.

There was a loud boom, and everything went black.

Terezi's POV

I got up from the rubble of the steaming destroyed car, looking out into the distance in alarm. It was Jack fucking Noir, and he somehow got his hands on (judging by the smell of the smoke and the sound of its take off) a rocket launcher. HOW THE HELL DID HE GET HIS HANDS ON A ROCKET LAUNCHER?!

"STAY STILL AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" Jack screamed, he looked insanely worn.

"With pleasure!" I stated without fear. I grabbed one of the broken shards of glass, cut myself, and dripped it onto the suit. "Kamawii Senketsu!"

I began the transformation, transforming into a "revealing" yet awesome battle suit. "LET'S DO THIS!" I said gaining my fighting stance.

But then a flashy little light blared in the corner of my eye. I turned to the upper left corner of the screen to smell a timer counting down from three minutes and fourteen seconds. "SHIT! We're running out of time!"

I looked around the rubble for Karkat and found him unconscious. I picked him up with the awesome power of my suit and ran at lightning speed to the direction I assumed the school was in.

The running and the jumping of levels to the top took most of the time, by the time I could tell the school was up ahead we had twelve seconds left.

"FUCK WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!" I screeched in frustration. I looked down to Karkat in my arms and thought of how I'm not going to make it, but he still could. I lifted him up with my super strong arms and threw him as hard as I could at the school, toward what I hoped was a window.

He made a loud thud as he hit the wall and slid down to the ground.

"Daaaaaaaaaaamn…" I moaned in exhausted, sinking to my knees. The time went off in a loud siren and then disappeared.

A slow clap was heard through the speakers hung around the city, and Doc Scratch spoke- "Well done everyone. Once again we've had a successful No Tardies day… Though, like all No Tardies day's not a single person made it to school on time. But, we all still did fairly acceptable. And will all half to pay a small price for our failures."

Karkat's POV

They unbuckled the straps and released me from the chair unsympathetically. I rubbed my head, still hurting from the extraction. I exited the small, grim, mentally scarring room to see John doing something similar across the hall from me. He looked extremely pail and horrified.

"What the fuck was that," John stated in disbelief that something like that was actually was physically possible.

"They fucking took our souls," I also stated in disbelief. "WHO EVEN DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

Other kids started exiting rooms in a similar fashion to us, all still shaken up the experience. Everyone was tardy, and everyone was punished.

John whipped his nose and looked like he was going to cry. "What... What even was... Why did that do that!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING TO MY SOUL!?" John started a heaven sob.

I normally would feel the urge to comfort somebody (even Egbert) in this situation, but I felt something lacking in me. Apathy. Emptiness. Nothing that wasn't already there before but it felt kind of, stronger? Fuck, I'll just tend to him already.

I went over and gave him a good old pat on the back. "Pull yourself together you little pussy," I said trying not to sound sympathetic. "It's just a soul, it's not like they took you're liver or anything-" John started crying harder.

"They took that too!" He screamed weakly.

I blinked in disbelief.

"What?! Why!?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

I started rubbing his back faster and tried to quickly think of something else.

"Uh- well at least you got you're kidneys right? Good old kidneys-"

"KIDNEYS ARE FOR FUCkING LOSERS!" John screamed, running away crying like a baby.

End of POV

... Static…... Do you hear static?... Well you should... But what about me?... Do you hear me?... YES... Yes you do... You can hear me against the void... It's all void... There is no POV... There is only me... The narrator…... OH, so you thought I ceased to exist, didn't you?... Well I'm back motherfuckers... And here's what you want to know... About the souls... And there where abouts...

AH: Cackle madly

Everything is going to plan


	8. Chapter 8

**_AN: This is the stupidest thing I've ever written. It's so wrong, yet so right... you'll understand after you read it. (I've been listening to too much Nightvale) If you know whatever the hell it is I'm talking about then try reading this in Cecil's voice, if you have no idea what it is I'm talking about this chapter will just seem disturbing from your point of view._**

**_Your welcome._**

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: A story about you<p>

This, is a story about you. On the same day this is told interesting things are happening. These interesting things have completely nothing to do with you and are more related to a certain Mr. Vantas and a certain Mr. Captor getting abducted by aliens but that's not important right now. Because- This. Is. A story. About you.

You don't really know much about yourself being an ignorant mortal human, and there's much about you and your potential you don't realize. But there are things you remember about your past, that disturb you. You remember them clearly and do not need a flashback. So let's move on shall we?

Another day has passed, pointless like the rest. Your life is a void session, disposed of anything that would give you reason in living. On your way from your last class to your dorm, evil robots chased Vriska and John down the hallways, but this does not concern you. You don't even know whom Vriska or John are, or why the voice in your head screamed those names loudly and began sobbing. They ran to hide in a closet and made out for some reason. Again, this does not concern you. You don't even see it happening anyway, them being in the closet as robots perused, you continuing blankly to your dorm. The voice in your head shrieked out and pain and made very disturbing gurgle noises. You don't know what this voice is or why it's there. It's been there for as long as you can remember. But that doesn't count for much sense the farthest memory you have is from a few years ago after that saintliness meeting when that demon posed you. You had complete amnesia after that. People would reintroduce themselves to you and say that they knew you but now that you think about it, you never really saw proof that you knew any of this. You've never seen any photos of you as a child or with these people, and they never talk of any past occurrences they may have experienced with you before your amnesia. You've never thought of this till now but conveniently you store this thought in your mental vault to never think of it again.

You go straight to bed that night feeling empty and alone inside. You really wish you weren't alive any more. Not that you're going to commit suicide or anything- but if a psychopathic maniac burst through your door and horrifically murdered you and everyone else in the room… that would be ok. All of a sudden Eridan kicked through the door with a chainsaw and a hockey mask screaming about how he's going to kill everybody. Everyone in the room screamed but you were ok, not great, but ok. Feferi- who was wearing a ninja outfit- jumped down from the rafters where she had been waiting for the past 3 and a half hours and kicked him back through the door. He got up and ran down the hall, Feferi chasing after him.

You stare absently at the ceiling, contemplating what just happened. The voice in your head whimpered about how desperate it was to do something, but it's voice was so fragile you could not understand it. It made you want to cry, so you did, all night long.

The next day you wake up, the voice asking like it did every morning- "Why did I have to wake up?" The voice began sobbing about the dream it had last night. You try to remember the dream as well. Every day you wish you could remember the dream you had, knowing it was something important. But you can never remember. It leaves you with a feeling of melancholy and regret for the things you have never done.

And every day you ask yourself what your purpose in life is, the voice in your head answers with strange clicking sounds. But today it did not answer with strange clicking sounds. Today it answered darkly in a way you could understand.

"Soon," It stated.

Then, all of a sudden- a giant octopus beast ripped the roof off the entire school. A group of people rise up to defeat it in glory. You are not one of these people. You do not know these people. But the voice does. It squeals and laughs at every move of these heroes. And when was all said and done it spoke in English-

"Now, look."

And you see it. John and Karkat look at each other in relief the fight was over, that they were safe. Reality then broke- and it was just you, and John, and Karkat, in a gliching void. The shiny picture of the others you saw made you get the sense that this was all fake, and you were no longer in your own dimension- but you felt something you had never felt before. They came closer together almost touching when desire seemed to engulf them. Desire engulfed you as well. Your heart began to beat faster and faster as they grew closer together in lust.

And finally.

They kissed.

The void that has filled you for your whole "life" was then suddenly filled with pain, but it felt so good. The voice in your head for once was gone. But it was not gone. It had become a part of you. You were the voice, the voice that had been trapped inside of you for so long know flooded into your consciousness with knowledge.

For you now know exactly who you are and what you were meant to be. Your life is a lie, was a lie.

You are not just some mortal of this plane of existence. You are something so powerful and dangerous that you were sealed in this physical body of lies.

But now you know the truth.

You know who you are.

You know what you were always, and have always, forever, will be, meant to be, forever.

The blood of an enthusiast runs within you.

You were never meant to be in this dimension of excitement, that is not your task.

You reside, with your gun, in the land of stumps and dismay.

Your feelz-

OH THE FEELZ!

You understand now.

Society fears you.

Trembles before you.

YOU ARE,

A FANGIRL.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: Hey guys! Winter break has been crazy and I'm sorry to do this but I'm giving you the chapter in parts, because I'm worried I might not finish the whole arc for a long time- so you're welcome my wonderful loving fans**_

_**Also I know no one cares about my personal life but I got a drawing tablet for christmas Y4444444Y And this is the reason why this story has been taking so long and definitely NOT because I'm lazy *nervous coughing***_

_**Andrew Huss: *kicks down door* OK YOU LITTLE SHIT! WE'RE DOING IT RIGHT THIS TIME! JUST SAY I OWN THIS STUFF AND NOT YOU OK!?**_

_**Me: NEVER *jumps out of window***_

**_The chase is on_**

* * *

><p>Chapter 9: A Christmas carol<p>

Karkat's POV

I hunched over my desk trying to concentrate on my homework, and ignore the idiotic bullshit going on around me. Its CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! HOHOHO WOW THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING TIME OF YEAR, A GUY BREAKS INTO MY HOME AND THAT GIVES ME AN EXSCUSE TO GET REAL DRUNK AND TAKE MY SHIRT OFF! JUST GONNA GO TO A CHURCH AND PISS ON ALL DA SHIT! MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! Big whoop, it's nothing to get that excited about. Put your pants back on to get your lazy ass back to work… that's good. Just a sec.

I turned around in my seat to face Strider whose pants were on his head and he was dancing to some really terrible Christmas music.

"Strider! Put your pants back on and get your lazy ass back to work!"

"Ehh?" Strider squinted at me, unaware of these mystical pants I spoke of.

"You heard me! Christmas is just an excuse to skip out on important work and go home to see relatives you hate all day long, the only way to cope is to stuff yourself so full of bull shit it numbs your entire soul. Why don't you just go and insert lard straight into your ass! Now get to work! That book report we're doing isn't going to do itself and it's due on Monday, I'm not letting you weasel out of it like you do in every project we do together and I have to do all the work."

Dave took his pants off his head and held it timidly. He shakily approached me.

"But sir, it's Christmas."

"I just explained how I don't give a fuck about Christmas, and why the hell are you speaking in a British accent? Why are you sucking up to me?"

"It's just, sir-"Dave dropped to his knees. "My little boy, he's sick. And I just want to spend Christmas with him sir. I just need tomorrow off."

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"PLEASE SIR FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO LET ME SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY!"

"… No, get back to work."

Suddenly the door slammed open and why am I surprised?! It's the Scourge sisters, back from another round of hijinks and mayhem.

"Hey Karkat!" Terezi screamed with her heartwarming- er, chilling grin. Vriska smirked. "Hey Karkat."

My head rested in my hands out of frustration. "I don't have time for this!" I groaned.

They approached me with their swooning devious hips, cackling like the demons they are. "So Karkat, would you like to make a donation to benefit our wonderful community?!" Vriska smiled. I squinted coldly them. "What kind of benefit?"

"WELL-"Terezi gripped a fist in determination. "There's this warlock the other day who's willing to do some "dirty" work if the price is right-"

"NO, NO, NO, I am not going to support this. Take your evil plans elsewhere."

Vriska scoffed and folded her arms. "It's for the greater good genius! What kind of heartless bastard would turn down a charity this great?!"

"I'M NOT THE ONE TRYING TO HIRE AN EVIL WARLOCK!"

"IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE KARKLES! Will you do it for the name of justice?" Terezi inquired.

"No."

"Oh, thought that would work. Well would you do it for Vriska?" Vriska swished around her hair, failing to be sexy.

"Hell no."

"Ok then, would you do it for me?" Terezi said, copying Vriska.

"WHAT?! NO!" I said, not getting flustered

Terezi reached around and pulled a top hat out of nowhere. From that top hat she reached in and pulled out Nepeta. "What about this cat girl would you do it for this cat girl?"

Nepeta gave a little wave and smiled. I stared her dead cold in the eyes.

"Nope, I'm gonna pass."

Nepeta gasped, heart broken, Terezi shoved her back in the hat and put it on angrily.

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOU MAKE ME SICK KARKLES!"

She turned around and stormed out.

Vriska gave everybody in the room, especially me the double birdie and walked out. "WE'LL SEE YOU LATER LOSERS! BUT YOU WON'T SEE US- BECAUSE WE'LL BE FUCKING INVISIBLE! That's one of the powers the Warlock has."

They finally left and I sighed in relief. Now as long as nobody else interrupts me I might just be able to get this and the extra credit done on time to go to bed early tonight.

The door swung open. "Greetings fellow student colleagues!" Kankri said cheerfully.

"God damnit! What could you possibly want?!"

Kanrki blinked in surprise and approached me.

"Well I just thought it's as good as time as ever to visit my kid brother, and pupil. You did call the other day saying you would like to spend more time with me."

I sighed and put my hand to my head in regret. "Kankri, did you ever say something that you thought was a good idea at the time, like a new way of life you want to try out, but decided it was bullshit later on?"

"I believe that's what they call a New Year's revolution, Karkat." Kankri cracked a smile. "That was a joke but it's fine if you don't get it. Anyway, I came here to invite you to a Christmas party me and some of my companions are having, I'm sure it would be a great bonding experience! I could teach you the ways of civilization on social structure, including new ideas a focusses in world relations of course, discussing the important issues of the economy and the issues of medias and there obscure and crooked ways of setting unrealistic standards for certain social expectations- while you could teach me about… young people things. I suppose. But it'll mostly be me teaching. We'll have a wonderful winter celebration! Winter celebration as in winter in general. An anon on my blog recently pointed out the commercialism of Christmas and how that's the only reason it's popular than most other winter holidays. We had a very interesting discussion and for the sake and equalities of other religions I decided to call it something more vague rather than favor-"

"OH MY GOD I DON'T CARE!" I screamed in frustration. "I have some important work to be doing today and I don't have time for all this Christmas bullshit!"

"Uh Karkat," Kankri whispered in order to correct me. "I'm sure you meant to say winter holiday bullshit, instead of signaling out Christmas. It's triggering to other religions to generalize them, and it's also triggering to Christmas to focusing on them for being the source of the "bullshit." Next time I suggest-"

"Kankri get out! I don't care about your stupid party, I've got work to do!"

"Oh," Kankri said solemnly, playing with the bottom of his sweater. "Well that's ok, I understand. I just thought it would be a good social interaction between us, sense most of them turn out rather negative. But if you change your mind let me know."

Kankri turned around and began heading out the door. He turned around before shutting it closed and stated to all of us- "I bid you a season's greetings," and with that he was gone.

Welp, the day went by quickly, more and more nonsense filled every hour. Finally everybody but me had either passed out or been knocked on head with a broken chair. Everybody but me had done this, I was still trying to get some work done. So I worked alone at my desk only to be accompanied by one oil lamp, because there weren't any fucking normal lamps around apparently.

I heard a sudden sound that made me jump a bit. Quickly I turned around to see if anything was there. Nothing was, no shit. The only sign of light at the moment was the drunk sleepy babies and Eridan who murmured to himself as he slept amongst the chair debris. We can all thank Sollux for this.

I turned around to continue my work. And suddenly of course as the audience expected I heard another noise, but it was coming from outside in the hall way. There was a small knock on the door. I got up and as silently as I could made my way to the door, making sure not to step on anybody on my way over.

I put my hand on the knob (no fucking shit) and turned it as to open the door. (Oh my god we never saw that coming)

As soon as I opened the door I was tackled with such tremendous force, the force and I flew across the room, hitting the ground hard. It was possibly one of the most putrid and terrifying things I have seen in my entire life. It black fur was covered in blood which made me want to rip out my own spine and commit suicide with it. The fact that it made me dizzy probably made the whole together seem scarier than it might have actually been. Its black wings unfolded from behind it making it appear larger. It had a sword sticking out of the middle of it but that didn't seem to be the source of the blood. It was missing one arm but the other one gripped me with its talons. Its face was morphed into some sort of beast and it growled at me with its teeth.

"KARKAT!" It screamed in a familiar voice. I blinked in confusion. "Jack?! What the fuck happened to you!?"

"I DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN!" He rasped angrily. "YOU NEED TO FOCUS! I HAVE SOMETHING OF THE UP MOST IMPORTANCE TO TELL YOU!" I tried to pry his hand off of me. "J-JACK YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF ME!"

He shook me harshly. "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME! WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME!"

I reached out from behind me and grab some debris from the chair mess and smashed it against his head as hard as I could and it smashed to pieces. In shock Jack let go of me and rubbed his head moaning. I shakily crawled away and propped myself up against the wall trying to calm myself.

Jack stood up trying to take a less horrifying approach to the situation. "Ok Karkat, calm down. I realize I might look pretty scary as some giant creepy do mutant-"

"YOU'RE FUCKING TERRIFYING!"

"But we need to short out our shit- I only have about three more minutes left to tell you something."

He started talking about something that did sound important but I could here him over all the voices screaming in my head as I watched the blood drip slowly to the ground.

"Did you get all of that?" He asked when he was finished.

I hugged in my knees realizing I missed everything he just said. "Can you leave yet? NOW?"

Jack gripped his fist in anger realizing I hadn't been paying attention. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

He took a step forward to do god only knows what to me until the door swung open to reveal a green swirling vortex. The wind began to blow and sucked in some swirling papers and furniture.

"SHIT I'M OUT OF TIME!" Jack stated in worry. He tried to defy the force pulling him into the vortex. "KARKAT, THERE ARE THREE GHOST COMING FOR YOU TONIGHT-"

"THERE'S MORE!?"

"THE FIRST WILL ARRIVE SOON! PREPARE!"

He lost his grip on reality and flew into the vortex, with it the door slammed shut.

The room was dead silent, no one seemed stirred by the events that took place. I stared at the smeared blood all over the floors, and looked to my clothes to see it there. In a moment of panic I ran out of the room to head to the bathroom and cleanse myself, a warm shower would help me calm down.

I thought to myself intently, knowing that apparently there were going to be three "ghosts" are going to visit me. It seemed kind of hard to swallow, I normally wouldn't believe such bullshit if Jack hadn't seemed so serious. And I by serious I mean he was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

The door to the shower room opened and closed. I peeked through the curtain to see who came in but OH WHAT A SURPRISE nobody was there. I gripped the shower curtain understanding the cost of classic horror movie jump scares. I haven't seen many horror movies in my life, but I did accidently see "A man who totally falls in love with a girl who likes somebody else and they make out at this Halloween party, and the guy goes crazy and murders everybody while wearing a Minnie skirt" thinking it was a romcom. There also just happened to be a shower scene just like this.

I heard the sound of a toilet flushing. I grabbed a half empty shampoo bottle as a weapon, trying to prepare myself the best I could. "It's ok," I murmured to myself. "I just need to fucking stay calm and-"

"HEY DOUCHE!" Screamed an orange man who through open the shower curtain.

"AAAHHHHH SHIT!"

"Hehehehe, look at you, flipping your shit. You're all so cute when you're scarred."

"I'M NOT SCARRED!"

"What's that on the ground?"

"Uh- what?"

"Is that shit?!"

"NO!"

"Did you shit yourself?"

"NO I DID NOT!"

"Oh my god what a pussy."

"I DID NOT SHIT MYSELF!"

"I'm not that scary am I?"

"OH MY GOD!"

The orange man laughed maniacally. He was not too tall or too short. He wore black pajama looking things and held a broom proudly.

"Who the hell are you?!" I ask grabbing a towel to hide my shame.

"I am the ghost, of Christmas fucking past."

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><p><strong><em>AN: Yeah, I should have the next part done sooner or later do not worry my children<em>**


	10. Chapter 10

**_AN: AAAAHHHHHHHH IM HORRIBLE It's fucking January and I'm continuing a christmas special that isn't even done yet_**

**_jegus_**

**_I'm sorry for the delay things have been tough becuase I recently broke up with my girl friend and I did some research and found out that the wonderful Zanney (broadway Karkat) stopped making songs along time ago_**

**_and it hit me right in the feelz_**

**_BUT I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS THING IF IT KILLS ME_**

**_AH: Don't forget the disclaimer-_**

**_ME: ASDLJF'AUDP;JA;OIGUPA VUAFPGJAOGUFAFOGYPAO;H; UA[IRYHPIUF[OIGHZKGNB_**

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><p>Karkat's POV<p>

"You're... The what?"

"I'm the ghost of Christmas past genius. Take a hint. GOG."

The orange man gazed around the shower room in disguss before taking notice of my clothes- which i was awkwardly and quickly trying to put on.

"What's with the skirt?" Asked the ghost of Christmas past.

"It's none of your fucking business!" I snapped.

The ghost of Christmas past gripped his broom angrily. "Excuse me bitch!?" He said, approaching me threateningly. "Do you have any idea you ya talked to son!?"

"The... Ghost of Christmas past-"

"WROnG! That's just the role I was given, which is lame. I mean, I'm the secret main villain on this story- if anything I should be the ghost of Christmas future and not this past shit! The future is so bad ass-"

"Wait a second!" I said trying to stop the mad man. "Did you just say you're the main villain?"

"Oh," the broom man said calming down. "Did you not get that? My whole appearance has been a foreshadowing. You know, working from the shadows, stealing all your souls..." He trailed off seeing me staring at him blankly.

He cleared his throat sensing the tension. "Anyway- Iz ghost of Christmas pastiez, booyahz, let's move on."

He looked at the clock.

"Shit, enough stalling lets go."

"Haha no." I laughed sarcastically, crossing my arms. "I'm not going anywhere with a random orange broom guy who claims to be the ghost of Christmas past. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and I've seen conair!"

"GASP! I love con air!"

"...fuck. No. It was awful. Stop."

The orange man scowled and gripped his broom.

"Whatever, I said no more stalling so let's go." He snapped his fingers and a green vortex opened up and began sucking in unweighted down object and a bung of baby aligators who were hiding in the sinks, waiting, for there next victim.

"Ok Vantas, let's go!" Said the orange man grabbing my arm harshly.

"WAiT!" I resisted. "WHAt THe FUCK IS GOING ON!?"

The orange man slowly dragged me into the vortex, laughing insainly. "Dear gogI'm probably going to die!" I murmured loudly to myself. "I better make my last will and testament before some asshole gets all my shit! Ok let's see... My money goes to... The fires in burned in. And the rest of my possessions... Also burned. I hate all of you and I'd rather burn in hell with my stuff then let any of you have it! And another thing-"

"What the fuck are you yabbering about!?" The ghost of Christmas past yelled above the noise do the vortex at its opening.

"YOU! You should be keeping track of this stuff sense you're the cause of death you ass hole!"

"Oh so I suppose if a bear killed you you would expect the same thing out of a bear!?"

"No, I would expect more because of how smarter they are than you!"

"Well I'm smarter than the average bear."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"It is what it is ok?! Sheesh."

The ghost of Christmas past turned its attention back to the vortex and entered.

I squeezed my eyes shut and we glided through the vortex, until I felt a strange change in temperature and the sun on my face, and I opened my eyes we were floating in midair outside.

"HOLY SHIT!" I screamed clutching onto the ghost.

"Calm your tits, Vantas," the ghost explained. ""Jegus, stop being such a scaredy cat- GET IT!? CAT!? HONK HONK MEOW MEOW!?"

He burst out laughing as I growled impatiently at him. "Holy shit that's adorable," he said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"ITS NOT ADORABLE GOD DAMNIT! WHY DOES EVERYOnE THINK MY NAMES ADORABLE!?"

"I could go into the details and complications of Tsundere and the mathematics of grumpy cat but then we'd be here all day," the ghost explained.

"Now you relax Kitkat- can I call you Kitkat?"

"Hell no."

"Now you relax Kitkat, I'm gonna take us down slowly- not that it matters anyway, sense a cat always laughs on his feet." And so he burst out laughing again.

"It's not even that funny, why are you laughing so much?" I grumbled.

"Ok that's it!" The ghost snapped. "I've had enough of your unironic commentary bullshit! We're switching POV's!"

"WHaT!? You can't do that!? That breaks the fourth wall- and I'm the star of this show!"

"Well I'm the mother fucking author Kitkat, so sit back and enjoy this magical ride of friendship being magic while it lasts."

Andrew Hussie's POV

We landed on the ground successfully, as Kitkat clung to me like a total wuss.

Standing now on the ground in street view we compared our selves to the physical objects of this plane and saw out transparency, and due to there being no reaction we have come to the conclusion that we are like soooooo, totalllllyyyy, fucking invisible.

"Why does look like we're in the 18th century brittan?" Kitkat asked, observing the Christmas carol-like attributes to the city.

"Right now," I explained. "We've traveled back in time to your past childhood cristmass's using the power of believing in Christmas magic-" on cue sparkles -"but sense Christmas magic is bull shit it dosnt work as well as regular time traveling. So you childhood memories are mixed with the setting of the Christmas carol and reality a bit distorted, but I think you'll get the general idea."

"...so we're in my childhood?" Kitkat asked looking stoically at the people passing by.

"That's what I just fucking said. Now come on let's go look at some sad shit. I mean- I don't know what happens, but I'm guessing it's pretty sad."

We wondered through the distant mirage of past Christmases until we reached an orphanage. "Ok, this should be good," I said rubbing my hands together. I began to step forward before stopping in my tracks to see Kitkat completely failing to follow me. "Kitkat, let's go," I motioned him over impatiently.

"I don't think I can," he admittedly.

"What do you mean you can't!?" I said sarcastically. "Obviously you are physically capable of it."

"I mean I just don't want to," he stated a bit louder to make his point, gripping his arm nervously.

"Come on man, the time space won't reset until we visit everywhere we need to go in order to make you a better person."

"Make me a better person?!

What did I do!?"

I scratched my head thinking. "Uh, well for one you denied charity-"

"They were going to hire and evil warlock!"

"Uh well yeah... But um- you also didn't want to hang out with your brother-"

"He's an asshole."

"Of course, I can see that... But... Um, you also denied Dave the right to go home to his sick children on Christmas Day.

"OH LIKE HELL HE HAS CHILDREN THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

"Well the bullshit isn't going to be over until we see these things through and the timeline restores itself, so let's go already."

Kitkat hufFs and puffed and stormed forward.

We went inside easily and started the search for Kitkat's past self. When we finally spotted him through the door way he was a small and adorable little kid sittingin the corner by himself playing with a stuffed animal pony plushy.

"Oh look Kitkat, I didn't know you were into ponies."

"I stopped like poinies years ago- ANd DONt CALl Me KiTKAT!"

"No kitkat, ponies are awesome."

"I said don't call me Kitkat!"

"Why not?"

"Hey Kitkat," laughed some guy who was making his way over to the corner of the room. "What the fuck is that?" Asked rudely pointing at the pony plushie. Kitkat brought his beloved toy closer to him. "It's mine! I got it from Santa clause!"

"Santa isn't real dipshit," the boy replied squatting down to Kitkat's line of vision. "That pony shit is for little girls and fags, what are you gay?"

"Uh-" Kitkat stuttered. "That's mean and a stereotype and-"

"Haha oh my god you're so gay Kitkat!" He laughed, quickly snatching away the pony from Kitkat's arms.

"Hey that's not fair!" Kitkat exclaimed trying to grasp his pony back. The mean boy slammed Kitkat's head to the floor and held it there.

"Life isn't fair! And if you can't see that you're gayer that I thought you were." The sadistic creep released Kitkat's head and began to walk away with the pony. Kitkat jumped to his feet and chased after the evil doer, jumping onto his back and climbing up to reach the pony.

"IT'S MINE FUCKASS," Kitkat screeched. The older boy quickly fling Kitkat off and stood high above victoriously. Without a moments hesitation he ripped off the ponys head and stuffed it into his mouth and swallows it. He lets the headless body drop to the floor and walks away satisfied.

Kitkat crawled over to the remains of his once beloved toy, and stood up quietly, choking back sobs. He hugged the empty horse body and returned to his dark corner.

"Holy shit," I exclaimed in shock. "That was one of the worse things I've ever seen!"

"Yep," Karkat stated simply. "Are we done here?"

"That was horrible oh my god!"

"Yeah I know, it actually happened to me, so I know. Can we-"

I pulled in Karkat for a tight sympathetic squeeze. "THErES NO NEEd TO CRY ANYMOrE KARKAT! IM HeRe FOr YOU!' I screamed sobbing grossly.

"Um," Karkat started awkwardly, giving me a small pap on the back. "Can we just, not, talk about it?"

"Ajbdkabsidbwheievskdhhddjdbsj!"

"Oh my god," Karkat says sounding deeply disturbed. He pushed me away from him and I quickly cleaned my self up. I can't afford to feel pity now! I'm the secret main antagonist!" An omnipotential power and I can't afford to show weakness now.

Man I hope Rufio never find out about this.

Narrator: MEANWHIlE SOmEWhErE IN PARaDoX SPACE!

Rufio: Is Hussie crying? Ew...

Andrew Hussies's continued POV

A green vortex formed once again behind us, giving Karkat a little jump.

"Ok, off to he next memory!" I say grabbing Karkat by the arm.

"Wait!" Karkat protested. "I thought we were going back to the present!?"

"Yeah, but only after we visit all da memories."

"That's fucking bullshit!"

And so passed through another portal, which lead into another home. It was small and run down and once again based off an 18th century stereotype.

The house was dark except for a light coming through the slit in a door down the hall. Following the light we lead ourselves entering what seemed like a living room. In it was a slightly older version of baby karkat, curled up on the couch under a blanket next to a big strong crab like man. They were both laughing and staring at the fireplace together. I assumed that they must have really been watching TV but because of the reality distortion it just looked like they're laughing at the firer like crazy people.

"Well this looks like a cute happy memory," I stated honestly to Karkat.

"Yeah," Karkat replied sadly, looking at the happy pair.

A vortex once again appeared behind us, but this time Karkat entered without a seconds hesitation.

We dispatched to a new location, which was also a house, though it was well lit and much nicer than the last.

A little bit olde version than from the last Karkat quietly opened the front door and made his way quietly to the stairs as if not to be noticed.

"Karkat! You're home! A skinny young man who looked an awfully lot like Karkat appeared from one of the doors to see the honk honk meow meow. Karkat flinched to the sound of the man's voice. He turned around, with a disapproving glare and said "Hello Mr. Vantas. I'm just going to go to my room now."

"Karkat where have you been!" Another voice exclaimed bursting though a door, this one also looked like Karkat except for the baggy red sweater.

"I'd rather not talk about it," Karkat replied impatiently.

"But it's Christmas! And family values and expectations clearly say say that-" the older one popped The sweater one on the head. "What Kanrki meant to say," Mr. Vantas began to explain.

"Is that we missed about you, and we were hoping you would spend Christmas with us?"

Karkat gripped the stairwell railing testily. "I don't see why I should, Christmas is just a bunch of commercialism and marketing."

"Well," Mr. Vantas continued. "There's also the spiritual side of Christmas that-"

"Yeah and besides all that religious bull shit," Karkat interrupted. "I'll be heading to my room now," he said as he continued his way up the stairs."

Kankri grumbled something about checking ones privileges and the two disbanded into three original rooms.

"Wow," I stared in disbelief. "That was pretty cold man."

Karkat out hi hand to his head in embarrassment. "It more complicated than it seems," he complained. "Plus, past me is always terrible, even when I litterally just finished being him."

The green vortex appeared behind us, Karkat hurried into it, ready to be done with this.

We arrived back in the shower room of Skaia academy. The trip down memory lane was now over. HUZZAH.

"Now Karkat," I began to lecture him. "I hope you've learned something g from all of this, because the next ghost definetly is not as cool as me and you're definetly going to miss this," I said stroking my hips.

"There is no way in the cackling pit of hell I'm going to miss you." Karkat stated firmly.

"Yeesh, in out of here."

I opened the last portal of my journey and entered.

Karkat's POV

The orange ghost man disappeared into the swirling mist. I mystilgicly stared at the place he had once stood, thinking is probably never see him again.

Good riddance. He was a weirdo anyway.

I cleaned up my stuff and entered the halls with the goal of reaching my dorm room uninterrupted.

But reality is a bitch.

Walls all of a sudden seemed to melt and expand outward Ina horrible wall of gelatinous terror.

"WHAT ThE FU-" I began, accidentally dropping my stuff onto the floor which also seem to soften into jello.

The walls and the floor came together leaving the rest of reality in void as they squeezed together until forming what looked like a humanoid figure. And this human figure slowly morphed into the most leastly suspecting stature.

"Welcome, Mr. Vantas. I am you host," Doctor Scratch explained.

"I am the ghost of Christmas present."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: It's Febuary everybody! Merry christmas! For like the third time...

I've been working through some stuff and starting new thing (I finally made an art blog! So proud of myself son!) and I think I'm going to try and write on a more regular schedule so there's more to look forward to there :)

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><p>Karkat's POV<p>

"... You're kidding." I said with doubt. I pointed and squinted a Doc Scratch. "You're the ghost of Christmas past?"

Doc Scratch nodded. "It is just how I have told you, a few seconds ago. Though from some people's perspective that might of happened weeks ago. Time is mysteiorous in that way, it all depends on what dimnetional plane you're on. Looking down on us through a one way meior, oh the pleasure it must-"

"Ok ok! I get it, riddles and shit, right. What I meant was- how can you be the ghost of Christmas present and be the principle of our school?"

"That's a. Very good question Mr. Vantas. One that could only be explained throught many-a-more riddles, and several ilaberate scavenger hunts."

"Haha- no. The ghost hot shit is enough for me thank you. I don't need some new detective noir scenario just to figure out some backstory I don't give a fuck about. So I'll pass."

"Well, to continue," Doc Scratch continued. "Now we shall embark on a journey of wonder and life changing experiences. Sense you've you already seen the cause the the effect you be being a horrible person, now we shall carry on to how this effects everyone around you. That sounds delightful."

"HEY! I'm not a bad person you piece of shit!"

"What about those horrible things you did this morning? You even turned down charity-"

"THEY WANTED TO SUMMON AN EVIL WARLOCK GOD DAMNIT!"

"Oh, I might have been misinformed on the situation... You're a bad person, get over it."

"HMPH!" I crossed my are impatiently. "Whatever, can we get going now?"

"Why of course," Doc Scratch said light heartedly. He snapped his fingers and a magical door with a star on it appeared. He opened it up to reveal a black void.

"Follow me child," he said calmly, walking in. As he stepped off he seemed to float slowly downward toward another door below, identical to this one. I took a deep breath and stepped into the abyss.

Imeadiatly I could feel the emptyness, like I was underwater but interest of water I was surrounded by space. Coming to the other door I made my way through to find my self what looked like the school hallway... Like, the exact one I just left, but it was themed once again like a dickens novel. Everyone wore stupid hate and coats and bustled about carrying dumb Christmas gifts like bread, and cheese, and shit.

Doc Scratch turned to me, beckoning.

"Fowllow me, son."

"Don't call me that."

Doc scratch walked down the hall through the stupid, irritating, commotive, negatively connotated, excessively impulsive crowd to our oaky door with my dorm room name carved into it.

"Welp, this can't be good," I groaned.

Doc Scratch ignored my commentary and opened the door to reveal the running about of morons in preparation for Christmas dinner.

Equius wore an apron and striated soup over an open fire. "Ah yes," he said smelling the soup. "Everything is going quite perfectly, this seems like a good time to relax and- GOD DANM IT ERIDAN WILL YOU LET GO OF YOUr BROTHeR!" Eridan released Sollux from the headlock. "Wwhatever," he grumbled. Tavros walked to Equius and gave him a pap on the back. "Is everything ok mom? You seem tense."

Equius sighed and put down the soup spoon. "My appologize for snapping dear, you're father just still isn't back yet- all thanks to that no good Kitkat!" Equius muttered clentching his fist. He released his tensed hand and gave Tavros a kiss on the fore head. "He should be back any minute now."

"What the FUCK is going on here!?" I questioned, looking around frantically.

"It would seem," Doc Scratch replied. "Either the present is distorted to a Dickens's book, or you're friends have joined a mass suicidal cult."

The door swung open to the sound of- "Honey tits! I'm home!" Dave walked in, carrying John on his shoulders. As they walked in John waved hello to everyone with his dorky smile- "Hey guys! It smells great in here! Like, fuck everybody because we've got a fucking goose! Fuckigg-" John hit is head on the rafters and fell off of Dave's shoulders, but no one seemed to notice. Everyone ran to Dave's side like a flock of hungry mooching slob kittens, festering over the mother's bousm. Gamze jumped into Daves arms squealing- "Oh Papa! I'm so glad you're here, it brings great delight to my day to be wishing a close range to your presence!"

"Oh no, not Gamzee too!" I screamed in a harsh whisper, my hands slowly sliding and pulling stressly at my face.

"Well I'm sorry to be so late?" Dave said in his pathetic Brittish accent.

"But Mr. Vantas-"

"Why that no good Mr. Vantas!" Equius screamed, throwing down a sweaty towel. "Why if I had my hands on a two-by-four and a rubber hose, I would taking him into the nearest alley and-"

"Whoa there girl, Dave said putting a slick hand on (insert it pronoun here) shoulder. "Calm your tits. Mr. Vantas is very generous and we should be thankful he pays us so *COUGH little COUGH* so very much. Now let's eat!"

Everyone say at an enormous table that had suddenly appeared with food on it. There bonnets and top hats were now all clown hats. Their dinner was all composed of shoes.

The walls began to drop rainbow wax. And the sound of creepy ghost children could be heard, singing from the shadows.

"WHA- WHAT?! WHAT THE-" I groaned and pulled my hair. "This dosnt even have anything to do with The Christmas Carol! Let alone me!" I exclaimed, looking to Doc Scratch for support that I'm not completely insain. His head turned to me and stared quietly. I felt a chill run down my spine.

"Are you- uh, angry?" I asked. "It's hard to tell... Because you don't have a face..."

"WELL," Doc Scratch scoffed, crossing his arms. "I happened to be born with an extremely common disease call "FaceLackia," it's very serious."

"That name is fucking rediculois. And that's not even that common of a condition. Hell, I don't think it's real either."

Doc Scratch jumped up, offended. "WHY I NEVER! Exscuse my Lange when I say you're ruffling up my petticoats. I'll have you know that 8/10 babies are born with FaceLackia, you just don't see any of them because vauge yet menacing government agencies usually get to them first."

Doc Scratch turned to his audience to appeal to their sympathy. "And that's why you should donate today. Call (612)-413-6969 to help. Join us, in the fight against FaceLackia... And the giant man eating spiders."

I clapped sarcastically. "Wow, that was beautiful. I don't think I've ever wanted to shit on a charity board meeting table this badly. You truly tugged at my heartstrings. Now shut up, so I can learn boring unrelated morals."

I turned back to the "family" as they still ate dinner. John sniffed it and pushed it away in disgust. "Eeuch! The fuck is this women?" He questioned, looking to Equius. Equius smiled warmly. "It's Cristmas dinner Tinny John, I'm glad you're enjoying it."

John threw his plate and let it shatter against the wall. "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! MAKE ME SOMETHING BETTER!" Equius's smile twitched. "Why of course dear," she stood up abruptly and stormed into the kitchen, muttering angrily about how if John was sick she/he would kick his ass. Dave cleared his throaght. "Tunney John, it seems we forgot to say grace before we started eating.

Would you do the honors."

John stares angrily at his father. "MERRY CHRISTMAS, god fucking hates all of you."

"Awwwwwww," Dave said giving John a nervous pap on the head. "That was very... Cute of you."

John opened his ginormous jaws and clung on to dave hand, blood splating spraying everywhere. Dave's smile quivered as he tried to remove his hand from John's mouth. "Hehe, ok now son time to- OW let go of me right- OW YOU LITTLE SHIT GET OFF OF ME!" Dave screamed trying to shake John off.

Doc Scratch gave me a tap on the shoulder and singled for me to come outside. "See why you have to change your ways?! That poor child is sick and dying!" Doc Scratched exclaimed as I closed the door. "That poor child," I said ponying behind me. "Is a complete ass. But I will admit, I've never seen John that... Cool." Doc Scratch shook his head in disappointment. "You're obviously not getting the point of this, the sick dying kid thing usually works- but I guess we'll have to try something else." Doc Scratch turned around and started disappeared into the crowded streets. "HEY WAIT! YOU'RE MY RIDE!" I screamed chasing after him.

I caught up with him a little ways down as he stood in front of "ye ole tavern."

"Welp," he stated, hands on his hips. "This is our next stop. Try to stay conscious, and keep your pants on."

"... Wat."

Doc Scratch and I entered the tavern. Inside it seemed musty and abandoned. There was no furniture, only dust and darkness. In the shadows I could hear voices. "Do you have what I require?" Said a deep dark voice. "Not yet, my lord." A familiar voice hissed. Doc Scratch elbowed me and handed me a flash light, except due to the dissortion on reality it looked like a flame thrower. I blasted the flames toward the darkness to see Terezi and Vriska kneeling before a hooded figure.

"What!?" The hooded question in disguss. "You dare come to me without payment!?"

"My lord," Vriska said nervously. "If you were assist us on getting what you require-"

"BAH! Get out of my sight you dirty penniless hobos!"

"HEY!" Terezi snapped. "Are you looking for a fight punk!"

"Bring it on hags!" The hooded figure challeneged.

Vriska bonked Terezi harshly on the head. "Fool! We need him!"

Terezi sighed and begged once again- "My lord, the time has come for-"

"Nah, how about you ask me later," the hooded figure yawned.

Terezi stood up angrily. "Oh that's it! This guys asking for it!" She pulled a pin out of the glove on her left arm. "KAMUWI SENKTSU!" She screamed, activating her transformation. Her figure lit up brightly as the power blew around her. When the light died down her hair was streaked with red and blown back and she worn extremely (VERY MUCH SO) revealing battle armor.

Blood shot from my nose and I would've blacked out if Doc Scratch didn't catch me.

"Pull yourself together Vantas!" He shouted over the noise of the fighting as Vriaka activated her Kamui as well. "And I thought I explicately told you to keep your pants on!"

I looked down and my legs to see that I was indeed pantless. I gasped dramatically. "This can only mean one thing!" I exclaimed. On the edge of the shadows I could see a midget elf in a weird hat snickering at me as he held my pants.

"YOUUU!" I screamed raspily, pointing at the stubby man. "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!"

The elf hurriedly disappeared into the darkness... Thoughs were my only pair of pants... They were pajama pants... Now I have to wear the skirt 24/7...

Me and Doc Sratch sat down by the two hot chicks during it out with the evil warlock, popcorn at hand, pretzels at our disposal.

After some time had passed Doc Scratch looked down at his watch. "OH DEAR, he exclaimed. "We're almost out of time, and there still one more stop we need to see. He stood up and headed to the exit. I shoved a handful of Popcorn in my mouth, took one last wistful glance at the beauty I saw and chased after him.

We reached another estate, only fancier and more built together, Doc Scratch and I entered. Inside laughter could be heard. From the living across the hall. It was some older kids from the grade above mine, they all say around drinking what I hope would be an age appropriate drink but due to the back they all wore dead raccoons on their heads it probably wasn't.

"Hey Kankri!" One of them shouted putting an arm around. "Kankri! My bro, YEAH! How's it going man?! Ka-razy as ever?!"

Kankri sighed and turned toward the rad one. "No, Latula, no. My time here has not been rad. It's just..." He sighed.

"Sometimes I feel like a boat,

Upon a winding river,

Twisting towards and endless Black Sea,

Drifting slowly away from where I want to be,

Who I want to be."

"Well that's nice," Latula said taking a swig out of a bottle. "I'm going to go over there and hang out with the happier people, k man?"

"Yeah sure, go ahead."

Kankri sighed and stared down at the table.

"Oh..." I said thinking out loud. Doc Scratch looked curiously my way. "What was that?" He asked.

"There's just this weird sensation in feeling. Where I feel sad but... For another person?"

"That's called sympathy, everybody has that."

"Yeah that thing- I'm getting that thing and I don't like it."

"Well, do you think that maybe you're feeling guilt for your brother that you didn't go to the party with him, and now he's all alone?"

"Oh my gog," I said face palming angrily. "It sounds so stupid and cliche when you say it like that! And I can't beleive that I was so fucking stupid and cliche that I even created a scenario of such fantasmal macabre! FUCK! Past me is always terrible! Even when I just finished being him!"

"Damn son," Doc Scratch said giving me a pat on the back. "Sure, this is all your fault but hey you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Just relax and in sure we can work things out in the most convenient way in the end."

'Convenience?' I pondered to myself. I may be a complete and utter worthless piece of incompetent ass. But maybe... I'm not, 100% a dick...? Maybe this turkey is a sign to change my ways, for the better.

"You know what?" I sakd to him, smiling at him sadly. "You're pretty cool guy- or at least, compared to that orange one."

Doc Scratch chuckled. "Why thank you, but it's too bad I have to die."

The vision around us turned to dark void.

"What?" I asked in shock. A piece of Doc Scratch's ping pong head cracked. "Yes," he stated simply as he began to slowly chip away. "The present one day. As the ghost of Christmas present, I shall soon be replaced."

More and more pieces began to float away. I reached through the void and grabbed them, trying to put them back on to his head. "Is there anyway we can fixed this!?" I asked in panic.

Doc Scratch laughed ominously."You cannot fix this. Everything that happened, is happening, and is going to happen, it is all on you. Be a leader, except that."

I stopped grabbing pieces and just let them float away, as I watched him slowly die. Is form determined until all there was left on the ground was a heap of clothing.

I was alone in the void, standing next to the remains of my teacher.

Until the remains began to twitch, building up higher and higher, a new body forming inside the clothing. Green muscles sprouted out of the sleeves. One of the hands (or what I think was a hand reached up above and I. It appeared a staff out of nowhere. Once the body had grown to the size of the clothing the clothes began morph as well as the body grew bigger and bigger. Green muscles guilty up and formed. A head sprouted out and flashing eyes rolled into the sockets.

"I," a booming voice of darkness echoed. "AM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST."

* * *

><p>AN: Terezi still has her Kamui- perfect<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

AN: ItS FInAlLY FiNIsHeD

now it's time to finally go back and work on original up to date literature ^^

I'm sure everybody's excited for that

* * *

><p>Karkat's POV<p>

Stared into his intense Billard eyes. He was extremely intimidating, the best thing to do is probably to suck up to him.

"Hey fuck face, what are you staring at!?" I said irritated.

He made no means of cknowledgment or retaliation. He slowly turned around and walked into the darkness. I hesitantly followed.

Dark smoke blew around us as I cool see the darkened out lines of buildings in the distance. Whispers and murmers could be heard over the silence.

"Did you hear about what happened last night?"

"Ugh, I'm glad he's gone."

"That poor little boy FINALLY passed on."

"And those two girls too..."

"Welp, he was boring anyway."

"Has anyone ever noticed that Karkat farts in his sleep?"

"HEY FUCK ASS!" I screamed into the darkness. "I DArE YOU TO SAY THAt HOt SHiT TO MY FACE!"

I quickly realized that no one could hear me and kept walking.

We are arrived at the welcoming home of the Griswalds! Er- the Striders.

"Alright," I said slyly rubbing my hands together. "This is going to once agein be hilarious. Egbert better finish off Strider before I do."

The green mucled lard turned it putrid face to me in a long disturbing way, he even began to drool. Damn! This guy is creepy.

"Hey bitch," he stated without moving his mouth. "I can hear your thoughts, if anyone's a muceled lard it's that sweaty obese heap of a mother you offered me last night, and like you she was pathetic."

A balloon of confetti popped above his skull head and an announcer in his glorifull masculin voice shouted deadly- "Achevement unlocked! It just went there."

"Besides," the Ghost of Christmas Future continued. "This is no time to be cheery, we've reached the climax. Fuck-a-doodle-doo if you still had your soul I would've crushed it by now."

He walked inside without another word. What a prick. I gripped my fist, trying not to think of all the harsh remarks I wished to reply with.

We entered the house to be eloped in a feeling of pure joy. The rave party lights flashed in and off and the heavy music pulsates through the room. "YEAH!" Dave shouted with the crowd. "My son is dead! Isn't this great!?"

"This is the greatest day of my life!" Equius replied in his apple jack cosplay

Imeadiatly I thought of Eridan, how Sollux must've finally done the job right. But something was wrong, I could tell by that one solo violing that began playing above the sound of the rave music. It wavered between its minor notes, bringing a sense of madness and melancholy. Yes, there was definetly something wrong.

I listened for the sound of temperamental screams, but to my terror there were none. "Where's John?" I nervously asked the Ghost of Christmas Past. He grabbed a shot from the tray of a nearby waitress and swigged it down. "He's pushing daisies Kitkat."

I gasped in horror. "But he had just gotten cool! Who knew the disease would take him at his golden age!"

"He didn't die of the sniffles, he stole the whole turkey and tried to eat it before everyone else but then choked to death."

"Well yes he's a complete fuck up but come on!"

The Ghost of Christmas past ignored my complaints and left the house, picking his nose with his pinky. He looked like a classic ass hole. I definetly wasn't sure of this guy, but I had no other choice but to follow him.

Through the misty dark streets of my highschool hallways we could hear the dark scurrying of theives, the blood work of murderers, the terror of cheese being ripped to shreds by hungry mice.

In the distance a baby was crying. Oh wait no, never mind, that was just the sounds of that old hobo who snuck into the school a while back and had lived here ever since. I could only imagine what vile abomination he had become in this version of reality.

We had finally arrived at an old lot, right in between two buildings in the center of town. It seems like a building should exist there. Like it should be right there where you can touch and use it. And since it was surrounded by other buildings it would have made more sense for it to be there, rather than not. But alas, the only thing this pitiful fucked lot occupied was rubble from what I can only assume was a previous building.

"Okay?" I said to the ghost, crossing my arms. "Why am I here, is there some sort of moral I should be learning from this? Like to always clean your dishes or remember to zip up your pants fly?"

"Nah," the ghost replied apatheticly, kicking up some of the rubble. "The moral of this isn't as good as any of those. One can learn a lot about life from the way he zips up his pants."

"Oh," I answered not really paying much attention. "So if this place is as fucking useless as it seems could I do whatever I wanted?"

"Yeah sure, I don't really give a shit what you do, or about you in general."

"Ok good," I said pulling down my invisible pants. "I've been holding in pee sense the ghost of Christmas past."

The ghost of Christmas future laughed. It was a dark and rather frightening laugh that seemed to shake the rim of space itself.

"But yeah no, there's nothing significant about this place," he continued. "I just brought you here to see the grave of your friends."

"WHAT!?" I screamed, trying to stop the flow of urin.

"Oh yes," the Ghost smirked. "Those two bitches tried to fight a four starred warlock. They didn't stand a chance."

I wasn't quite sure what he meant at first. Maybe it was the shock or the pee, but then remember Vriska and Terezi.

"No, they couldn't have!" I denied, flinging my arms about. "This is just some trick to get me to feel bad! Well it's not going to work, because I know better!"

"Suit yourself," the ghost turned his back to me, leaving the scene. "Whether you beleive me or not, those bitches bit the dust."

I gripped my fist, still not believing it to be true. I bent over and gripped a rock in my hand, tempted to chuck it at the lard's head. He shouldn't keep referring to them as bitches! They weren't- well Vriska kind of was- but besides that they were warrirors. Even if it was possible for them to die in battle- despite their gender- they deserve respect.

I tossed down the rock in disgust, kicked it away, and followed the ghost back into the shadows. We walked through the streets to our next destination. Based on the pattern I've seen so far, I would've guessed it to be a the one manor where Kankri went for his dumb christmas party. But instead we arrived at a musty old building. Clouds gathered above and lightning struck dramatically, giving the place a frightening feeling. How the fuck do lightning storms form inside the building, you might ask. I guess that's the one mystery we'll never know.

Inside the desolate fortress we found a dark and empty forure, leading off to several different halls. The ghost of Christmas future opened a door that revealed a small cramped stone stairwell spiraling down. The status seem to go on forever, but so did the rows of metal shelves we found at the bottom.

"So," I said casullay fowling the ghost down the dark row of metal shelves. "What's up with the filing cabinets? Are we in some sort of office building?" The sound of growling and claws scratching against the stone floor. "A weird, macabre, disturbingly gruesome office building?"

"It's not an office building you dense fuck," the ghost replied coldly, his dark voice echoing throughout the cavern. "This is a morgue."

"A MORGUE!"

He abruptly stopped in front of one of the shelves and opened the bottom one.

Inside was a body, dead as a doorknob.

Inside was my brother.

Darkness fell on all surroundings, the void encircled all but I, the ghost, and the corpse. The only source of light to behold was a single lantern, brightly defiant enveloped in calignony. I fell to my knees and peered in panic into the coffin like shelf. "Oh god!" I breathed gripping the edges of the shelf. "W- what! What happened!?"

"Suicide," the ghost said in a dark desolate tone. "These ignorant plebeians are unsure why, and they will never know. Their benightedness is their one of many faults, faults that only make me higher."

My knuckles turned white as I angrily shot my gaze upward to the ghost. "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK SO HIGHLY YOU BASTARD! MY BrOTHER IS DEAD!"

"Why do you care?" He sneered in detestation. "It's not like you cared for him when you alive either."

The realization hit, along with my head harshly against the shelf's edge.

"OH GOG. You're right. I'm horrible brother, and a horrible person."

"Agreed," the ghost jeered. "But, there is another way." He held the lantern closer to me. "I can save him, put his soul in the lantern. Keep it fueled with the oil of the trees, and his spirit will live on. What do you say? Become the next bearer of the lantern?"

I stared at the ominous beast confused. "What- no. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Where the fuck is all this shit coming from?"

The beast shrugged and set down the lantern. "Meh, I just wanted to see what would happen." He walked across the row where the only thing that remained on the other side was another shelf. "There is something you sham globe mind needs to see," he said grabbing on to the shelf handle. I curiously but cautiously stood up and walked over, ready to peer in once opened.

"There is someone else who died on this Christmas night," he said preparing me.

He yanked open the shelf.

It was empty.

But something was forming.

A dark swirling vortex and the bottom of the coffin. It grew quickly, though the power of it's pull grew twice as fast.

"This is where you end Mr. Vantas." The ghost boomed, as he stepped back, into the darkness.

"OH FUCK!" I managed running back to the other shelf to grasp onto before I'd get sucked in. "Oh god how do I stop this mess!?" I thought out loud hanging for dear life. "Do I have to learn something!? Like a moral!? If I heard learned anything it would've been after ghost one GOD DAmNIT! All of this is unnecessary!"

The scale of the vortex's suction jumped from and 8 to a 45.

"AH SHIT! Ok ok I learned to be nice to people or whatever just TURN THIS THiNg OfF YOU NOOK SNIfFING SON OF A-"

I lost my grip to the pull, and was pulled into the vortex.

I woke up to the sound of the wake up call in my wonderful, wonderful bed. I threw off my covers and peered over railing of my top bunk to the little boy who stood below.

"HEY FUCKASS!" I pointed accusingly at Tavros. "What day is this!?"

"Why sir, it's Christmas." Tavros beamed with a smile that someone was noticing him.

"Well I need you to go down to the store on Main Street and get me the biggest pile of mutated bird flesh you can find and bring it here, and I'll give you fifty bucks for it!"

Tavros gasped. "Really?"

"HELL NO! And you wanna know why!?"

"Ah, no not really-"

"I've been through a lot in the past six hours five minutes and twenty seven and a half seconds. And no amount of orange man magic, or principal promotion, or some other third thing, in combined forces can ever do one thing."

"And what would that one thing be sir?"

"TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU HEAR ThAt!" I shouted to the ceiling. "I'VE. LEARNED. NOTHING!"

"DAVE! I screamed at him as he nervously tried to sneak out of the dorm. "I don't care if you take the day off today! But I want that paper done by Monday!"

"Uh ok, whatever you say chief," Dave said In a salute closing the door behind him.

I jumped from my bed and ran out the door.

"VRISKA! TEREZI!" I screeched as they walked past. "You can have the money you need but you have to pay me in 300% interest!" Both of their faces lit up as Vriska snatched the money from my hands and ran off.

"Thanks Karkles," Terezi giggled as she ran to catch up with Vriska.

"AND WHERE'S KANKRI!?" I bellowed. "I NEED TO GIVe HIM A BIG O'LE FUCKING HUG!"


	13. Chapter 13

AN: I have no comment other than I just ate cake

it was a good cake

it will always be good cake

cake

cake

cake

cake

do you want cake now?

good

youre falling for my trap

* * *

><p>Records of Problem Sleuth Terezi Pyrope: The mystery of the missing Kitkat<p>

It was a stormy night as I, Problem Slueth Terezi Pyrope, continued my time starring through the blind of my one office window in a hard boiled manner, despite the fact that I was blind and rendered the activity useless. The setting was the smell of black and white, and it constantly fuzzed like an old cheesy Noir movie.

The phone begins to ring. Another case is at the tips of my fingers to save the broad and bring the villain to justice. So I answered the phone.

"Help me help me!" The strangely masculine voiced broad cried out.

"Never fear, The legislative Terezi Pyrope is here! Now calm your tits lady and tell what's ruffling your petticoats."

"Well it all started a few weeks ago..."

Dave's POV

"Yo Karkat," I started as he sat down at the table for lunch. "You're favorite color's grey right?" I asked shoving some cooking and pork healthy living brand sandwich down my throat.

"Well what do you fucking think?" Karkat asked sarcastically making me remember every single time in his entire life he did something associated with the color grey.

"Well that's great and all," I lied. "But what shade of Grey is your favorite?"

"Shade?"

"Yeah what shade of grey is your favorite, there fifty of them?"

"Um- I guess I just like the color grey, in general."

I gasped. "YOu DOn'T KNOw ANYThInG aBOuT THe FIfTY SHADeS OF GReY DO YOu!?" I screeched jumping a top the table.

"STrIdER GET YOuR FUcK STaaInEd SHIt STOMpERS OFF THe TAbLE!" Karkat screeched in reply.

"But Karkat," I sobbed. "It's very important to know exactly what color of grey is your favorite! That's probably why everyone hates you as far that is canonically proven or that anyone cares about." Nepeta could be heard crying softly in the distance.

"Is it really that important?" Karkat wondered falling for my plan like the chump he is.

"Yes! Here, read this book," I said handing him the fifty shades of grey. "This could in fact save your life."

Karkat took the book and eyed it suspiciously before opening the page to the first chapter.

End of POV

Continue file

"I see," I said stoically biting down on a red piece of chalk. "And you say this Mister Vantas went missing shortly after that lunch period?"

"Yes," Mrs. Strider continued. "And I was in planning on claiming he's dead and inheriting all of his money, but then the other day..."

Dave's POV

"Lalalalalalallalala," I sung beautiful as I sorted through my mail.

"Let's see, bills, bills, bills, what this? A vague yet menacing letter with no return address? It must be important!"

I quickly opened the dirty envelop to find a dirty piece of paper with cut out letters from magazines and pasted in he arrangements of words. It read-

DEAR MOTHER FUCKER

I HAvE YOUR FRIEND TAKEN HOsTAGE- IF YOU DO NOT ARRIVE AT THe FREdDY FaZZBEAR'S PIzZA AT MIDNIGHT WITH FIVE MOtHeR FuCKInG DOlLARS YOu WILL NEVEr sEE HIM ALiVe AGEIN

SINSERELly,

hONK

HONK

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm pretty suspicious," I though out loud to myself. "buuuut this was probably meant to be sent to someone who actually cares about Karkat's wellbeing, like John or some other useless character I can't think of."

Nepeta's distant sobs intensify.

I crumple the paper into a ball and throw it away.

End of POV

Continue file

"And the strangest thing about the 26 warning letters I received and threw away was they were all signed with the mysterious words hONK HONK," Mrs. Strider continued.

"Hmmmm, that is suspicious. What could that mean!?" I wondered scratching my chin. "Please, so continue with the story."

Dave's POV

I busted the dorm door off it's hinges with a sweet kick. "HEY GUYS!" I screamed at the top of lungs. "We should all go to Freddy Fazzbear's pizzeria! I hear that place is pretty messed up!"

Everyone in the dorm who had gathered around a table to play some totally legal poker looked at me like I was crazy.

"Dude," Sollux started. "That plathe ith tho fucked up! I hear one of the animatronicth oozeth blood and mucuth."

"YEAH MAN! Doesn't that sound awesome!?"

"Hell no."

"Yeah guys, Sollux bro here's got a mother fucking point," Gamzee laughed nervously. "There's no need to off and look into the extensive details of possible murders and hauntings and mysterious purple child stalkers who definitely so mother fucking NOT smell like grape!"

"HMPH," I said crossing my arms. "Fine then, I'll go by myself thank you very much."

I arrived at Fredd Frazzbear's Pizzeeia in the middle of the night to find the door bolted shut with many warning signs pasted to it, which is strange considering that children's Pizzerias are very lively at night.

I broke down the door with a swift kick- er- actually it took several strikes with a hammer- BUt I MaDE IT In! Naturally not to be rude I bolted the door shut behind me.

It was pitch black, children's screams and laughter a could be heard through the shift corridors.

"Hello?" I called out in an echo. "Is anybody there? I need a large cheese pizza with- HOLY SHIT!" I screamed as a fox pirate animatronic thing lunged at me at high speeds. I ducked and ran down one vague and menacing hallways towards the light that appeared at the end of it. I ran into the room and pressed the giant CLOSE button to close the door behind me.

I surveyed my surroundings throughout my cowarding sobs- I appeared to be in some sort of security guard room with monitors, two heavy metal doors, and- GOoD GOd ThAT FAN THOUGH Oh GOd!

A flicker appeared from the corner of my eye- I turned to see a batter saying how much power I had to keep myself safe! Apparently it takes power to keep a metal door closed on the ground which goes ageinst physics because it should keep more power to keep them UP not down.

I quickly in panic pressed the OPEN button for the doors and suddenly a bunny animatronic kept at me.

"AIIIiIiiIiIiIiIIiIiIiIhHHhHhHh!" I sqealed as it shook the camera.

But then it stopped, stood still, and powered down.

In my heroic confusion I timidly approaches the robot to see blood and mucus draining from its eyes. It took all my courage to pear inside the mouth of the suit.

But may I just say that there was not the oridenary exoskeleton robot parts and what not in this suit. No, there was a bloody corpse shoved into this animatronic. And the whole scene, smelled of cherries.

End of POV

Continue file

"So you're saying that someone kidnapped Karkles, and shoved him into the suit for him to slowly die?" I said stoically in to the phone, take a puff of a hard boiled classic candy cigarette.

"Yes sir!" Mrs. Strider sobbed. "Oh death me- the only clue I could find was grape lipstick on the animatronic."

"Wait a minute!" A said standing up. "Everything's coming together now! Yes this all adds up! The purple lipstick, the grape smell, the strange and inappropriate letters, the honking! I know who the murderer is!"

*Kicks down door

Point accusigly*

"VRISKA!" I snarled after breaking into the dorm room. She looked up from the book she was reading. "Eh? What's up scourage sister?"

"DON'T PLaY INnOceNt WITh ME YoU SPIDEY BItCH! I know it was you..."

"... What the FUcK are you talking about?!"

"I'm done playing games, fess up. The evidence is all there! I'm taking you to court on behalf of the murder of Karkat Vantas!"

Vriska stared incoherently at me like I was speaking in some other launguge.

"Dude, I didn't murder Karkat- I murdered Tavros. Gamzee murdered Karkat."

"Oh," I stated akwardly. "... Welp, we're cool then, I'm going clown hunting."

*Kicks down door*

*Points accusingly*

"GAMZEE!" I snarled breaking into the boy's dorm room. He quickly stood up and pulled up his pants. "Eh? What's up mother fucker?"

"DON'T PLaY INnOceNt WITh ME YoU JOKeR! I know it was you..."

Gamzee opened the window and swung a leg over the edge. "HAVe FUn FInDING ME IN MEXICO SHIT FACES" and so he jumped out the window.

I sighed, turning around to see Strider and Egbert enter the dorm.

"Did you get him!?" Mrs. Strider asked looking around nervously.

"I'm afraid he got away," I said lighting up another candy cigarette. "Damn, I guess that's the end of that case."

"But isn't Karkat still dead?"John asked confused.

"Ohhhh yeahhhhh, kind of forgot about that." I replied looking around thinking. "I wonder what we're gonna do about that?"

"Welp, I better go get him," John smiled and quickly pulled out a gun, put it to his head and died in an instant bang.

Dave jumped a bit. "Holy shit! ... What the hell..." Dave wondered looking at John's corpse.

"Wow, what a moron," I added to te though. "I guess... We'll just have to see what happens?" I shrugged.

Dave stared down at the body.

"I'll bet you ten bucks they both stay dead forever."

"You're on chump."

TOO B3 CONT1NU3D :?


	14. Chapter 14

John's POV

And so, as it was prophesied in the scriptures, I woke up in a house, that was in the middle of a tornado. Everything was in shitty black and white, and the house smelled of pig poopies.

And also had a lot of pig poopies in it.

And it flew in the air.

Into my eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOiNG ON!" Karkat whaled as he busted down the door with a swift kick, and came in like a wrecking ball. I was unable to answer due to all the pig poopies in that one speaking orifice of mine.

Suddenly the howling wind ceased, and the house dropped about ten feet and made a loud PLOPPING sound. The front door fell off of its hinges and splattered on the soot covered porch. And beyond its threshold behold a land of sunshine and lollipops.

"What the fresh fuck?" Karkat murmured.

"Hey, this is kind of like the Wizard of Oz isn't it?!" I pointed out.

"What in the name of all that is deemed irelevant is the Gizard of Bloz?"

"No no, its the Wizard of Oz."

"Ohhhhhhhh, you must be talking about the human equivalent to Troll Wizard of Oz."

"Oh? Is it good?"

"Better than your hell muck stuffed rainbow fest, very, much, so. Though the props are a little underbudget. Instead of the slime river we have in this sceene, they didn't want to waste money on slime so they just culled about fifty some green bloods."

"Oh my god-"

"The movie bussiness is a dangerous place John. One day you're on top of the world, the next you're guts are beeing mopped off the stage. But I doubt you could possibly fanthom concept the discomfort that Troll Will Smith has felt!"

"Wait- did you hear that?" I asked looking into the thick garden of flowers.

"Yes John, it was the disgruntled screams of Troll Lee Marvin, screeching into the abyss of all who have aposed him- BUT YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND-"

"KARKAT PLZ!"

The rustle of flowers grew louderin the flowers grew closer and seemed to be in multiple places.

"NO! No I will not be silent! The corruption of the entertainment industry and its treatment towards its employees has gone too far! THE PUBLIC WILL BE INFORMED!

"WOMAN! LISTEN TO ME!"

The rustle grew louder and out from the flower bushes came out a little salamanders in a clown suits.

"Greetings earthlings," they spoke in high pitched unison.

"We represent," they sang.

"The lollipop guild,

The lollipop guild,

And on behalf of,

The lollipop guild,

We welcome you to the land of munchkins and lollipops."

A shiver grew up my spine as I carefully looked through the horizon.

"What the fuck is this hot mess?" Karkat squinted in confusion. Storm clouds began to gather in the sky.

"They summoned the beasts," I explained.

"The what!?" Karkat questioned.

The wind blew harshly.

I recognized that foul stench it blew, and it could only mean one thing.

"It's the Lawyers."

In the distance, thousands of Lawyers, suitcases in hand gathered, like an army.

"What... The fuck..." Karkat exasperated in distress, not understanding anything.

"We violated stone cold copyright laws," I explained. "And so they've come to take care of the job."

The army of filth began to all sprint towards us, screeching their battle cries. Karkat and I stood back to back, we could take all of them, as long as we believe.

Karkat's POV

WE FUCKING DIDNT BELIEVE ENOUGH

The barbarians surrounded us, as John lay on the grounded dying after taking soft punch to the gut. The punch actually missed him, but his brain completely flipped it's shit from the fear of getting hit that it convinced its body that it was dying.

John coughed up blood. I held his hand tightly and leaned in, trying to hear his dying wish. "Karkat.." He murmured softly.

"Yes, John?"

"I... I need you to-"

"Kill Dave? I can do that, no regrets."

"No, no, I need you to-"

"Kill Dave's mom? I don't even think he has one, so I'll just kill Dave instead."

"No, dude, I- I need you to-"

"Binge watch the entire LOST series, then go kill Dave? I'm on it man don't worry."

"Y U NO LISTEN YOU LITTLE SHIT-"

John coughed up more blood and farted.

"T- take this..." He said, struggling to pull out some sort of device from his pocket.

"It's a-" HURCK COUGH GRUNT- "Time machine... Take it... Use it to go back in time, and-"

"Kill Dave? Gotcha!"

"U FUCKING-" HRGFHhVfGg FART- "... Go back, change the past... And make sure you save HER..."

"Her?"

"Madoka... Save Madoka Kaname... Please-"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Madoka..."

"Egbert, you're hallucinating."

"She's so hot..."

"Ok this is just sad-"

"MAAAAAADOOOOOOKAAAAAAAA!"

"I'm just gonna go."

I stood up, device in hand, fiddled with it abit, and traveled back in time.

I have to go back, kill Dave, and stop those lollipop bastards.

It's the world that SHE wished to protect.

Madoka...

Past Karkat's POV

The rustle grew louder and out from the flower bushes came out a little salamanders in a clown suits.

"Greetings earthlings," they spoke in high pitched unison.

"We-"

A swarming vortex appeared next to them, and out came a blood covered version of me, who with the speeding for of grease lightning, slaughtered the lollipop guild. He then- amongst the ruin of salamander corpses- ceased to exist.

More salamanders came out from the flowered bushes and ignored everything that had just happened. "Welcome to the land of munchkins and lollipops. We thank you for killing the witch who ruled over us your house!" They said, pointing to an unrecognizable corpse crushed beneath our house. All that remained of the body were the legs and feet being covered in a horrible taste of fashion, that I'm sure in some doomed reality of existence Kanaya died.

MEANWHILE

IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE KANAYA DIES

Kanaya's POV

Rose: "You know what? Today's been a good day. It's a good day."

Kanaya: "Well maybe if you didn't spend so much time being happy and noticed me (senpai please) then maybe I wouldn't have spilled coffee on your favorite dress!

Rose: "Oh wait, it's not a good day. I think somebody just died... Your heart."

Dave: GASP "Oh no she didn't!"

*high fives Rose*

Kanaya: *suddenly gets hit by a bus*

Karkat's POV

"Well," said the weird munchkin salamander thing.

"As a gift for freeing us, you may take the ruby slippers of the witch, and gain her power."

"What!?" I replied in disgust. "That women is dead we're not taking her shoes, right John!?"

There was a long awkward silence.

"Well Karkat, you do need new shoes-"

"There's nothing wrong with my shoes."

"Honey, we've talked about this."

"I don't need new shoes."

"Karkat-"

"I'm fine."

There was once again an awkward silence, before John and salamanders suddenly pinned me down and force the shoes onto me.

"THIs iS FOr YOU'RE OWN GOoD KARKAT!" John said holding my arms back.

"NO ThIs IS TeRRiBlE- THeY SMeLL LIKe dEAD FILTH!"

But it was too late. The shoes were on, and they were stuck there with some magic shit.

"Well, other than the fact I look absolutely dreadful, it can't get much worse than this," I sighed.

"Well," the salamanders continued. "I mean, IN THEORY, you should be fine. But this theory doesn't include any of the shoe's side effects-"

"WHAT-"

"- YeEeeeeaaaahhh, it gets pretty bad... and also there's that other wicked witch-"

"WHAT-"

"YeEeeeeeaaaahhh, she's crazy... But don't worry, there's a good witch too! I mean she's a ditz but-"

"WHAAaAAAaaAaA!?" A girls screech was heard. And down in a gliding pink bubble came no one but the Miraculous Jade Harley. "I am NOT ditzy!" She pouted.

Jade turned her attention to the shoes, "Wait... ARE THOSE MY DEAD SISTER'S SHOES?" She questioned in disgust.

"Wait! I can explain-"

"Oh my god-"

"You see I didn't really even want the shoes-"

"You creep-"

"I'm not a creep-"

"Well, I guess the shoes are better use to you than my other sister. She'd probably use the power of the shoes for evil."

"3V1L?" A crazy voice called out. "It's not evil, merely Justice."

I looked up, to see a youn Terezi Pyrope, in some dumb witch costume, floating on a broom.

"And those slippers will be mine!" She pointed to me accusingly. "You can count on that my pretty!" Then she cackled madly and flew away.

"... Did... Did she... Did she just call me pretty?"

There was no answer, for the truth would be much too devastating to say aloud.

"Right," Jade continued.

"Anyway, you should probably go see the Gizard of Bloz, he can help you get home. Just follow the yellow brick road." She pointed her fairy wand to yellow brick road.

"Yes, this definitely makes sense," John said continuing on ahead.

"Wait wait hold it," I said waving my arms about.

"Didn't we like- DIE or something!? In the last chapter."

"No dear," jade said gently, papping me on the head with her fairy wand.

"Your minds were nearly transported here before you died, this my friends could be understood by you mortals as 'a never ending world.' If you can escape this Heat Day Haze, which is the giant snake void that swallowed you up, then you might be revived by being possessed by a magical snake that can give you powers. But only one of you can leave, so the way of the land goes."

"... What?"

"OH FUCK, this is going to take 12 episodes to explain, just get going and you'll figure it out." Jade gave me a little push toward the yellow brick road.

"Uhh ok then," I concluded and me and John made our way down the brick road.

"OH AND ONE MORE ThInG," Jade mentioned loudly floating up in her pink bubble. "I ShOULD MENTION THaT THE SIDE EFFECTS oF THe SHOeS aRE SIMILAR TO ACID,"

"WHAT!?"

"YoU'LL Be FINE," and so she floated off into the distance.

John's POV

*HIC* "Ghave eye eva told yew how-" BELCH "Pertty you art?

*have

*i

*you

*pretty

*r

*e

*fuck-"

*HIC*

Karkat stumbled a bit under my grasp as I helped him walked down the yellow brick road. Those shoe... Jegus... He was so high right now. One of the salamanders mentioned that the side effect should disappear after a while.

We had entered a dark and scary forest- most likely filled with lions, tigers, and pedobears.

Foot steps were heard in the distance, and a twig snapped in two. "Who's there!?" I questioned, shaking with courage.

Out from the shadows arrived four figures- a scare crow, a tin man, a lion, and a regular dude. "Are you fowling the yellow Rick road to see the wizard?" They questioned.

"Uh yeah, why?" I shifted my weight.

Jake the scare crow stepped forward.

"Can I come too? I need one f those pink squishy things that thinks... Or something... Bain?"

Dirk then Tin man stepped forward.

"I would like to accompany you as well, seeing how I lack a heart." A single melodramatic tear rolled down his emotionless face.

Jane the lion stepped forward.

"AND I NEED SOMe FUCKINg COuRAgE YOU MOROnS! STOP LOoKINg AT mE- JEGUs!"

Roxy the humans slurred forward.

*HIC*

"And I'm gust bored!

*just"

She giggled.

"Well sure of course you can come with," I smiled. "After all, we'll need some help defeating the wicked witch."

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE WITCH IS AFTER THeM!" Jane screeched, and they all cowardly ran back into the woods.

Karkat's POV

My eye hazily opened with the feeling of my horrible migraine, like the worst hang over to ever be. "Owww, where am I?" I asked rubbing my head looking about.

"Oh Karkat! Good you're awake," John said from the other cell next to mine. "We're in the witches dungeon, you missed a lot of shit while you were out."

"What? What happened?"

"Well we made it to the city but they're all like- 'grrrrr you can't see the wizard until you kill the witch you chumps' and I'm all like 'tisk- yeah whatever old man no deal' but then we kind of got captured and locked away in her horrible dungeon."

"JOHN YOU COCKY BASTaRD WHY COuLNt YOu HaVE A LOw SElF ESTEeM LIKe TAVROS!" I scolded.

The door to the prison opened and the evil witch came in. "Ohhhhh," she cackled head my way. "You're awake now my pretty! Come with me," she opened my cell door with a zap of magic from her finger. "Don't try anything if you don't want your friend to pay the price."

I reluctantly followed Her out of the room, not wanting anything possibly worse to happen. She pushed me into her chambers and locked the door behind her.

"Are you going to rape me!?" I questioned in horror.

"I'm doing what must be done," she grinned, tackling me to the ground. She repositioned herself as she sat on me so she could see my feet.

"NOW GIvE Me THOSE SLIPPERS!" She squealed yanking on my feet.

"Wait a fucking minute," I said disappointedly. "You chased me and my friend around, locked us up in your dungeon, just so you could get my shoes?"

"Well yeah, what did you think I wanted? It says in my sisters will that these shoes belong to me, they're my property." She stated, cocking her head.

"Well- you can't have them! You're evil doing stops now!"

"Look here you ignorant fool," she snapped. "I'm not evil ok, Jade is. She's been brainwashing those poor munchkins for years with all of her- 'oh here have a lollipop and this puppy' it's been destroying the munchkin economy and they're intellect, slowly destroying each generation with long term effects that could take years of realistic reconditioning to solve! So naturally I try to inform her that messing with the ecosystem of a lower intelligent species will just make them dependent on us, and next thing you know suddenly I'm the bad guy! She doesn't understand anything about economics!" Terezi explained, as I was at awe of her knowledge of government corruption.

"Besides," she began to conclude after a have an hour of lecturing. "Those shoes aren't magic or anything, they just make mortals high. And they smell really good. Like cherries."

"Oh, well I guess you can have them," I said taking them off and handing them to her.

She took them with glee and licked them eccentrically. "Well I suppose you two are free to go," Terezi smiled unlocking the door.

John stood outside the door with a bucket of water. "SNEAK ATTaCK" he screamed pouring the water on her.

"JOhn wHAT THe HeLL?!" I stammered.

"I escaped!" He boasted. "And have come to save you.

Terezi laughed. "Do you actually think that a bucket of water is going to- OH GOd IM MELTiNG!" She screamed as she began to singe and melt down to the floor.

"Oh my god..." I twitched in horror.

"Oh..." John murmured awkwardly.

"That was... Odd. But hey we won, let's go tell them we killed the witch so we can go home," John smile heading down the steps.

"Yeah sure..." I followed sullenly behind.

John's POV

"We have killed the wicked witch of the west!" I proclaimed, walking through the emerald city streets. The citizens murmured excitedly and lead us to the wizard.

Apparently this "wizard" lived in a grand hall of smoke and mystery. "So," we heard a voice call out, assuming it is the wizard's.

"You were able to kill the wicked witch?"

"Yeah," Karkat said crossing his arms. "We held up are end of the bargain. Now, show yourself."

Out from the smoke and awe waltzed a... Cat... Bunny... Thing.

"I am the incubator," it spoke, it's mouth not moving as it did so.

"You both seem to be quite exceptional in the art of killing witches. Therefore I'm willing to offer you a contract. You may make any wish you desire, in exchange I will turn you into Magical Girls, and with your powers you will save humanity by fighting witches."

"... Uh, I don't know." I stated. "That sounds kind of weird. Is there some kind of catch to this."

"WHAT?" Kyubey laughed nervously. "Of course not, don't be silly hehehe... I mean, yeah in order to turn you into magical girl I'll have to rip your souls from your bodies and transform them into soul gems- but it's not like I'm tricking you into this overly complicated system of intense entropy where we harvest your emotions and grief as you slowly turn into a witch yourself HAHaHA..."

"... Yeah, no thanks," Karkat replied as we booth exited the door.

"HEY HEy HeY!" Kyubey snapped, its face remaining emotionless. "You silly skrubs, how do you expect to get home without a contract? This is the only way."

"Actually no," Karkat pointed out. "It was clearly stated at the beginning of the chapter by Jade that we can actually escape as long as we're possesed some snake or whatever."

Kyubey laughed nervously. "Whaaaaat?! Noooo, no that can't be right. Just stay here, and make a contract."

"LOL no you fucking psycho."

And so we left.

There was still hope though.

We found a way, through the snake monsters.

Sure it would help they're invasion on planet earth but hey, seemed pretty cool to me- I mean we'd get all these eye powers and stuff.

Anyway, I'm sure you're all confused.

I didn't expect you to understand my feels.

Their pretty obscure.

And just know that logic doesn't matter in this situation.

We died, and went to one world, snake monsters wanted to come to our world, they came became one with our minds so that they could travel to our world, and in return we got cool powers. It's plain and simple.

And if you're still confused after all of that-

Blame Shaft.

Yes.

Beautiful.

Terezi's POV

"QUICK MAN!" Dave screeched in distress, shattering a nearby window and picking up John.

"WE HAVE TO GEt RId Of ThE BOdIES BEfOrE ANYONe SEES!"

"Yeah man, ok, I'll go get the shovel," I said about to run out of the room when all of a sudden John's pathetic eyes fluttered open, like a delicate butterfly.

Dave dropped him in shock and John's head slammed on the floor.

"Oh shit he's alive false alarm," Dave exclaimed.

"Owwww," John murmured rubbing his head. "Yeah, we're both alive. It's a long story."

"We?" I questioned. "As in you and Karkat?"

"Yeah, why?"

Dave and I exchanged glances.

"If you exscuse is John," Dave explained as and he and I began to head to the door.

"We have a bod- er, thing- to unbary."


End file.
